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QUESTION: Dear Ted, please help me correct my essay.

Question:
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

My answer:

In some countries, primary schools are teaching a foreign language rather than leaving it until secondary. This raises the question whether it is appropriate to bring our children in contact with another language at such a young age. Here we examine the pros and cons of this phenomenon.

Children between ages 6 to 10 seem to absorb a language faster and more naturally thanks to their inborn ability of learning. They are less self-conscious, thus trying new things without worrying about mistakes. In addition, the teaching methods in primary such as singing, playing games, and watching cartoons are more natural than that of in secondary. Another benefit is that kids are able to develop a fabulous accent like native speakers. According to psychology theories, young children are more likely to distinguish other languages’ accent from their own, resulting in adjusting their accent more accurately.

A foreign language, in some cases, interfere with the learning of mother tongue. For those kids who struggle with writing and reading their native language, additional language may be too much that may lead to anxiety. Furthermore, some careers may not involve foreign languages. For example, if a child decides to become a ballet dancer, she wish to spend time on ballet practicing than on a foreign language that she might never speak. Yet, languages are not only for career, but also teach us to respect other cultures, other people, other points of view so that we could live together peacefully.

Despite of causing some problems, learning foreign languages at the early stage of education is beneficial for the majority of children. We should, therefore, encourage our little kids exposure foreign languages as soon as possible.

Thank you!
Lizzie

ANSWER: Dear Lizzie:

Question:
Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

My answer:

In some countries, primary schools are teaching a foreign language rather than leaving it until secondary. This*** raises the question whether it is appropriate to bring our children in contact with another language at such a young age. Here we examine the pros and cons of this phenomenon.

*** What is "this?"  You have made this indefinite pronoun the subject of your sentence.  Consequently, your sentence is weakened.  Lizzie, get in the habit of choosing the strong word that the sentence is about.  Make that word the subject.  REVISION:  The QUESTION is whether it is appropriate to bring our children in contact with another language at such a young age.

Children between ages 6 to 10 seem to absorb a language faster and more naturally thanks to their inborn ability of learning. They are less self-conscious, thus trying new things without worrying about mistakes. In addition, the teaching methods in primary [SCHOOLS], such as singing, playing games, and watching cartoons are more natural than that of in secondary. [THAN THOSE OF SECONDARY SCHOOLS.] Another benefit is that kids are able to develop a fabulous accent like native speakers. According to psychology theories, young children are more likely to distinguish other languages’ accent [ACCENTS] from their own, resulting in adjusting their accent [ACCENTS] more accurately.

A foreign language, in some cases, interfere [INTERFERES] with the learning of [THE] mother tongue. For those kids who struggle with writing and reading their native language, [AN] additional language may be too much [AND CAN LEAD TO ANXIETY.] that may lead to anxiety. Furthermore, some careers may not involve foreign languages. For example, if a child decides to become a ballet dancer, she wish [WISHES] to spend time on ballet practicing than on a foreign language that she might never speak. Yet, languages are not only for [A] career, but also teach us to respect other cultures, other people, other points of view [INSERT A COMMA AFTER "VIEW"] so that we could live together peacefully.

Despite of [REMOVE "OF"] causing some problems, learning foreign languages at the early stage of education is beneficial for the majority of children. We should, therefore, encourage our little kids exposure foreign languages as soon as possible.

GENERAL OBSERVATIONS:

Lizzie, you are having a problem with "agreement."  That word refers to the matching of a singular noun with a singular verb.  For instance, "she wish" is incorrect.  The singular verb form is "wishes."  I have noted several instances of this problem in your essay.

You use the very informal "kid" or "kids."  That practice is not good for a formal essay. You can use other words, such as youth, child, children, students, etc.

Finally, I have a problem with the third paragraph.  Your original intention in this paragraph is to show the negative aspect of teaching foreign language to young children.  However, you change this concept in the very last sentence, offering a positive reason for the teaching of a foreign language to children.  THAT sentence does not belong in THAT paragraph.  You might use it in your final [summary] paragraph instead.

Despite my criticisms, I believe that your essay is very good.  You need to make a few adjustments, so that your essay will be "exceptional."

PLEASE:  Rate my answer in all the categories, including "volunteer of the month."  Thank you.

Ted



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear Ted,

Don't worry about criticisms. Your feedback helps me a lot. Thank you very much!

Lizzie.

Answer
Dear Lizzie:

Good.  I will continue to add my constructive criticisms when I evaluated your essays.

NOW, since you sent this to me as a question, you will need to evaluation my response, so that the question will be removed from my inbox at Allexperts.

Thank you.

Ted

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Ted Nesbitt

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I am the bibliographic instruction and reference librarian at a public college. Some members of the English department recommend me to their students. I offer assistance in grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and paragraph development. My master`s thesis concerns William Faulkner`s tragic novels. I formerly taught advanced placement English at two schools in the Philadelphia area.

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I have been one of the highest-ranked volunteers in this category for more than a decade.

Education/Credentials
B. A. and M. A in English; MSIS in Library & Information Sciences; graduate study in philosophy

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