General Writing and Grammar Help/Ielts writing task 2

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Question
Hi Roy,

Please help me to correct the essay below.

Question: News editors decide what to broadcast on television and what to print in newspapers. What factors do you think influence these decisions? Do we become used to bad news? Would it be better if more good news was reported?

Answer:
The increasing pressure of today money driven world can often cause people to gravitate toward material items. Therefore, news is broadcasted on tivi or printed in newspapers by news editors who are more likely to be influenced by the number of views, the profit earned. As human nature, we are more attracted to bad news, rather than good news. It is disagreed that it would be better if more good news was reported. Analyzing the social safety benefit and the prevention from knowing the bad news will show this.

Firstly, bad news is beneficial to let people know what could happen to everyone. For example, the increased rate of Iphone robbery on the street in Vietnam is known to everyone lately. That will definitely put a warning to the Vietnamese Iphone users that they need to be careful when carrying the smartphone. This could help to bring the crime rate down if everyone knows the fact and is watching out for themself. As the example illustrates, bad news plays an important safety role in our society.

Furthermore, known bad news can be used to prevent the unfortunate trends from occurring again. For instance, consumers are sometimes provided with misleading marketing information, that results to unfair trade. If this is made aware to the population using different news channels, that will prevent many buyers becoming the next victims. Therefore, the prevention is a cure to any wrongdoings in the society.

To conclude, it is evident that bad news is not too bad in terms of increasing the social safety and preventing the bad from repeating. Thus, it is hoped that bad news is genuinely reflected on television and newspapers, so that safety and security are strengthen everywhere.

Thank you so much for your help in advance!
Kim

Answer
This service is for answering specific questions on writing and/or grammar.

What you are asking for is an EDITING service.

However, I have highlighted one error in each of your paragraphs - in capitals.

The increasing pressure of TODAY'S money driven world can often cause people to gravitate toward material items. Therefore, news is broadcasted on tivi or printed in newspapers by news editors who are more likely to be influenced by the number of views, the profit earned. As human nature, we are more attracted to bad news, rather than good news. It is disagreed that it would be better if more good news was reported. Analyzing the social safety benefit and the prevention from knowing the bad news will show this.

Firstly, bad news is beneficial to let people know what could happen to ANYONE. For example, the increased rate of Iphone robbery on the street in Vietnam is known to everyone lately. That will definitely put a warning to the Vietnamese Iphone users that they need to be careful when carrying the smartphone. This could help to bring the crime rate down if everyone knows the fact and is watching out for themself. As the example illustrates, bad news plays an important safety role in our society.

Furthermore, known [DELETE KNOWN] bad news can be used to prevent the unfortunate trends from occurring again. For instance, consumers are sometimes provided with misleading marketing information, that results to unfair trade. If this is made aware to the population using different news channels, that will prevent many buyers becoming the next victims. Therefore, the prevention is a cure to any wrongdoings in the society.

To conclude, it is evident that bad news is not too bad in terms of increasing the social safety and preventing the bad from BEING REPEATED. Thus, it is hoped that bad news is genuinely reflected on television and newspapers, so that safety and security are strengthen everywhere.

General Writing and Grammar Help

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Roy Johnson

Expertise

I can answer questions on English language, grammar, writing skills, and study skills. I am particularly experienced in the writing skills required for academic essays, term papers, reports, dissertations, and post-graduate theses.

Experience

I have forty years experience as a tutor and as the author of books on writing and study skills. For thirty years I was a tutor for the Workers' Educational Association, which specialises in courses for adult students and preparing mature students for university. I was also a tutor for the Open University between 1975 and 2010. During that time I have also written a number of books on writing and study skills. In the last ten years or more I have specialised in creating computer-aided learning materials and online learning courses.

Publications
"Making the Grade" (Manchester University Press) 1990 "Studying Fiction" (Manchester University Press) 1991 "Marking Essays" (Clifton Press) 1993 "Revision and Examinations" (Clifton Press) 1993 "Writing Essays" (Clifton Ress) 1996 "Study Skills" (Clifton Press) 1996 "Electronic Writing" (Clifton Press) 1996 "Improve your Writing Skills" (Clifton Press) 2010 "Writing Essays 3.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program] "English Language 3.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program] "Study Skills 2.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program]

Education/Credentials
My first degree was in mechanical engineering (HNC). I then switched to literary studies and philosophy. My second degree was a BA in English and American Literature (from Manchester University - UK). I also have an MA in Comparative Literary Studies, and my doctoral thesis (PhD) was in the relationship between literature and politics.

Past/Present Clients
Amber TV Anglia Polytechnic University Bath Spa University College The Beattie Partnership Blackpool & the Fylde College Bolton, Salford, & Trafford NHS Cedar Health Central Manchester Health Trust City College Manchester Coventry University David Rigby Associates East Lancs NHS Food Standards Agency Graduate Research Institute Granada Studios Higher Education Funding Council Hyde Clarendon College Kellogg’s UK Kingsmill Health Trust Knowsley Metropolitan Borough Liverpool University Manchester Airport Manchester City Council Manchester Metropolitan University MANCAT Manchester PCT (NHS) Manchester TEC North East Lancs PCT NorthWest Learning Grid Oldham Business School Open University Parrs Wood College Runshaw College Salford Mental Health Trust Save the Children Fund South Manchester Health Trust St John Rigby College St Mary’s Catholic High School SwimTime University of Bolton University of Central Lancs University College Chester University of Huddersfield University of Hull University of Manchester University of Salford West London Health Trust Winstanley College Manchester NHS Xaverian College

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