General Writing and Grammar Help/What's your opinion?

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Question
Mr. Roy,

Thank you very much for your prompt reply last time!

There is a sentence:

Power was named Special Assistant to President Obama and Senior Director for Multilateral Affairs and Human Rights on the National Security Council—responsible for running the Office of Multilateral Affairs and Human Rights—positions that she held from January 2009 to March 2013.


Can we write as this:

Power was named Special Assistant to President Obama and Senior Director for Multilateral Affairs and Human Rights on the National Security Council,responsible for running the Office of Multilateral Affairs and Human Rights,positions that she held from January 2009 to March 2013.

That's, using two commas instead of two hyphens.

What's your opinion?

Best Wishes,

Walden

Answer
Apologies for delay in replying.

Power was named Special Assistant to President Obama and Senior Director for Multilateral Affairs and Human Rights on the National Security Council — responsible for running the Office of Multilateral Affairs and Human Rights—positions that she held from January 2009 to March 2013.


Can we write as this:

Power was named Special Assistant to President Obama and Senior Director for Multilateral Affairs and Human Rights on the National Security Council,responsible for running the Office of Multilateral Affairs and Human Rights,positions that she held from January 2009 to March 2013.

Yes - both of these are acceptable.

But the sentence is very long. I would put a full stop after Council, then start a new sentence with "She was responsible ..."

Best wishes  

General Writing and Grammar Help

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Roy Johnson

Expertise

I can answer questions on English language, grammar, writing skills, and study skills. I am particularly experienced in the writing skills required for academic essays, term papers, reports, dissertations, and post-graduate theses.

Experience

I have forty years experience as a tutor and as the author of books on writing and study skills. For thirty years I was a tutor for the Workers' Educational Association, which specialises in courses for adult students and preparing mature students for university. I was also a tutor for the Open University between 1975 and 2010. During that time I have also written a number of books on writing and study skills. In the last ten years or more I have specialised in creating computer-aided learning materials and online learning courses.

Publications
"Making the Grade" (Manchester University Press) 1990 "Studying Fiction" (Manchester University Press) 1991 "Marking Essays" (Clifton Press) 1993 "Revision and Examinations" (Clifton Press) 1993 "Writing Essays" (Clifton Ress) 1996 "Study Skills" (Clifton Press) 1996 "Electronic Writing" (Clifton Press) 1996 "Improve your Writing Skills" (Clifton Press) 2010 "Writing Essays 3.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program] "English Language 3.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program] "Study Skills 2.0" (Clifton Press) 2008 [computer program]

Education/Credentials
My first degree was in mechanical engineering (HNC). I then switched to literary studies and philosophy. My second degree was a BA in English and American Literature (from Manchester University - UK). I also have an MA in Comparative Literary Studies, and my doctoral thesis (PhD) was in the relationship between literature and politics.

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Amber TV Anglia Polytechnic University Bath Spa University College The Beattie Partnership Blackpool & the Fylde College Bolton, Salford, & Trafford NHS Cedar Health Central Manchester Health Trust City College Manchester Coventry University David Rigby Associates East Lancs NHS Food Standards Agency Graduate Research Institute Granada Studios Higher Education Funding Council Hyde Clarendon College Kellogg’s UK Kingsmill Health Trust Knowsley Metropolitan Borough Liverpool University Manchester Airport Manchester City Council Manchester Metropolitan University MANCAT Manchester PCT (NHS) Manchester TEC North East Lancs PCT NorthWest Learning Grid Oldham Business School Open University Parrs Wood College Runshaw College Salford Mental Health Trust Save the Children Fund South Manchester Health Trust St John Rigby College St Mary’s Catholic High School SwimTime University of Bolton University of Central Lancs University College Chester University of Huddersfield University of Hull University of Manchester University of Salford West London Health Trust Winstanley College Manchester NHS Xaverian College

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