AboutMargot RN BScN GNC Expertise GERONTOLOGY (NURSING ISSUES RELATED TO THE ELDERY) I have 15+ years experience working with the elderly. I would be pleased to offer any assistance I can. My areas of expertise include: Gerontology / Geriatrics, Long Term Care, Community Nursing, Palliative Care, Private Nursing Services, Intermediate / Extended Care. I also have a personal interest in Homeopathic and Eastern Medicine. If I can not answer your question I`ll do my best to direct you to an appropriate resource. Thank you.
Experience I have fifteen years experience in Gerontological Nursing both in the community, and in Long Term Care. I have worked as a General Duty Nurse, a Nurse Manager, and a Nursing Consultant in Long Term Care and Community Nursing.I have a great deal of experience working with, assessing, and educating in the field of Gerontology (Nursing the Elderly). I am familiar with the challenges associated with Dementia (Alzheimer's), Chronic and Terminal illnesses. Experience in the area 20 years of Long Term Care and Community Nursing, specialising in Geriatrics, Gerontology and PalliativeCare.
Education/Credentials Registered Nurse , Certified Gerontological Nurse, Bachelor of Science in Nursing.
Three years ago the cardiac surgeon said he needed an aortic valve replacement & a triple bypass. The doctor, was very frank and said he could live without the surgery but it would be a slow death with poor quality of life or he could have it but it was very likely he would die on the table or have a major stroke within a few days of the surgery. BUT if he did survive he would eventually have a good quality of life.
He also had prostate cancer 6 years ago. He has been cancer free ever since with no side effects.
The 1st year after his heart surgery was tough for him. My mom who is 89 and has had her own medical problems, (stomach cancer 7 years ago; cancer free since)took care of him and my sister and I made frequent trips to FL, (we live in NJ) and called every day and spoke with the Dr's nurses, etc.
We think, (as does his Dr's) that he is doing exceptionally well after what he went through. Every other day he goes down to the gym in his condo and walks on the treadmill for 35 mins. He doesn't take it easy either. He works up a good sweat plus he does other machines that they had him use when he went to cardiac rehab but just increases the amount of time on them.
But ever since then my Mom says he talks about dying quite often. Not that he is afraid of it but just things like why is he here when so many others who are younger and haven't lived as long have gone before him. He is not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination- he is an agnostic so I can't really talk about God's plan and all that.
I have read up on depression, (that is what my sister says she things he has) and I don't see the symptoms of it. He still enjoys going out with my Mom, he does all the cooking and helps around the house. No loss of appetite, sleeps like he always did. Unfortunately most of his friends have passed away, casualty of living so long. Weird thing is quite a few of his friends were 10 or 15 years younger than him and they have passed also.
He use to golf with my Mom but she gave it up and all his friends that played golf with him are gone so he gave up his membership in the club which is 1 of the things he use to do 3 days a week.
I am going to go down to Fl on Wed to visit for a week and then they are coming back with me for 2 weeks to visit the family, (they usually do that every year). If he starts in on this dying issue what should I say? I have mentioned to him about possible volunteering and even offered on past visits to Fl to research it and go with him to check it out but he feels that at his age why start doing that and he doesn't want to be committed to something.
All his friends from when he lived in NJ are also gone too. Do you have any suggestions? Do you think it could be depression? I just don't see it. Oh one other thing, he also complains that he can't do what he did 10-15 years ago. I told him guess what neither can I. The cardiac Dr said that is to be expected but he still can do a lot. God, last year the 4 of us went to Italy to visit his sister and nephews and we went on a cruise. He doesn't have as much energy as my mother, my husband calls her the energizer bunny, LOL but he is far from an invalid.
That plus the losing all his friends seems to be the main problems.
Any suggestions you can give would be appreciated. Thanks.
Answer Hi Donna,
I agree with you that your Dad is not showing obvious signs of depression. I think he is just verbalizing his acceptance of the fact he is getting older and closer to his own end of life.
It is difficult as we age and lose so many things in a fairly short period of time, we lose:
-our good health
-many of our dear friends
-many of our hobbies which we previously enjoyed regularly (golf)
-progressing levels of our independence
-our energy and activity tolerance
-our confidence
-our hearing & vision (which is failing to some level for most seniors)
-our hopes and dreams for the future
I think he is just progressing through yet another natural stage of growth and development as he comes to terms with his own mortality and comes to accept that his (and his wife's) days on earth are numbered. Unless he says things that worry you or your Mother like expressing a desire to "end it all" or he fixates on how or when he will die, I really wouldn't worry.
When you are with him, I would just talk to him and ask him how he is feeling and provide a supportive avenue for him to express and share his feelings. Maybe even ask him how he is doing since he stopped golfing - if he says he is bored or misses the outings or exercise then try to help him find another suitable activity to replace the golf (volunteering is a great idea and many seniors really enjoy it and love to have a reason to have to get up and get dressed 1-2 days each week). We all feel better about ourselves when we feel we have a purpose.
You might even ask his doctor if there's anything he could be doing to feel better. Example: many seniors are anemic and feel much better by simply taking a tablespoon of Floradix (www.floradix.net) with breakfast each day, it can help increase energy and feelings of general wellbeing. His doctor can tell you if he is anemic or may benefit from any other Vitamin and/or mineral.
I hope this helps and I hope you have a great visit with your folks. We all like to talk about our future whether it's preparing for university or marriage, expecting our first child, experiencing a breakup and the end of life is another normal part of life e all face one day and I think it really helps when people feel comfortable enough to share their feelings with their family.
Take care, I hope this helped answer your questions.
Margot
