AboutCarol Bainbridge Expertise I can answer most questions on parenting gifted children, from infants on. Questions can be about parenting, advocacy, and support and I can provide suggestions for toys and books gifted children love. I can even help you determine whether your child is gifted or bright, and I can point you to more information you might need. I can answer some questions about programs for gifted children, but can`t help much with information on colleges. Visitors wanting to know if their children are gifted might want to read the article "Is My Child Gifted?" before asking a question.
Experience I am the parent of a gifted child and have been working with other parents of gifted children for 13 years, helping them find support and providing them with information. I founded a local gifted organization and helped organize a parent day for a national gifted conference. I have been an active member of my state's gifted association since 1999 and created and maintain their Web site. In addition, I have created a website for parents of gifted children who are looking for toys and books for their children: www.giftsforlearning.com.
I am also the Guide About.com Gifted Children Site.
Organizations National Association for Gifted Children. Board member of state gifted association.
Expert: Carol Bainbridge Date: 4/19/2008 Subject: lazy and gifted?
Question QUESTION: My 9-year-old daughter doesn't seem to care about school. I can't figure out how to motivate her. She doesn't want to do anything unless its FUN. She doesn't want to do anything that involves work. She would be happy to spend the rest of her life drawing pictures of puppies and watching Spongebob. She reads at a 7th grade level but all she wants to read are sweet little picture books about animals.
She was tagged by her school district as being gifted just after she turned 5. She has enjoyed their gifted pull-out program, but this year they ramped it up a notch. She spends a whole day with the gifted specialist and the 6 other 3rd graders who have been identified as gifted. They just finished up a unit on enigmas. Each child spent one school day a week for the last 3 months completing their projects. My daughter typed in about 10-12 sentences. On the last work day, when she should have been finishing her project, she spent 2 1/2 hours typing random letters and staring out the window.
She is also very slow at her regular classwork. Often she doesn't finish it or turn it in. She says she "doesn't feel like it." It seems as if it's the least bit challenging (GT class) or the least bit boring (regular class), she doesn't want to do it. She has had attention problems that began last year. A psychologist ruled out ADHD (said she was borderline in a few areas) but I'm wondering if he was wrong. She is very creative and doesn't really see the world the same as most kids. She is supposedly so smart but seems oblivious in many social situations. She often acts inappropriately, like today she was doing the army crawl, sliding around on the wood floor of her art teacher's house while the other girls sat calmly and finished up their paintings. She is quite active. She jumps on the trampoline alot.
I know her teachers are frustrated with her, and I am too. If she's so smart, why isn't she drawn to mentally challenging material? I just want her to be happy and well adjusted. She seems happy, but in her own little world. I don't think it has ever occurred to her that other kids might think she behaves strangely. I think its great that she scores so well on these giftedness tests, but I wonder why she doesn't perform well in school, and I worry that she is a "weird" kid who unknowingly turns potential friends away.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for any advice.
ANSWER: Hi Sandra,
You aren't alone. The behavior you describe is quite common in gifted kids who aren't challenged. Yes, she is being challenged now, at least part of the time, but she has already established a behavior pattern. Highly gifted kids will often adopt a pattern of avoidance of hard work when they have never learned to work hard! They get used to skating through life and aren't too interested in working hard at anything they aren't interested in. They will, however, work on things they are interested in. Unfortunately, many of those things aren't related to school work!
You say your daughter doesn't spend much time on her assignments. What grades does she get on her work? Lots of gifted kids can put the minimal amount of effort into an assignment and get at least a C, often a B, and even sometimes an A. Why work hard? This is a classic underachiever's approach to school. What many parents and teachers don't understand is that once the pattern is set, simply supplying challenging work isn't going to change the behavior pattern.
Another part of this is the type of learner your daughter is. It sounds to me like she in an intrinsically motivated learner. If it's not interesting to her, she don't want to do it. Grades don't matter. Punishments don't matter. Bribes don't matter. But give her something to do that she likes and you make have to ask her to stop and get ready for bed! These kids love to learn for the sake of learning, which is why grades don't matter. That just makes it even harder to motivate these kids.
Your daughter also sounds like she marches to the beat of her own drummer. Gifted kids often seem to be in their own little world. They also sometimes seem oblivious to certain social cues, usually because they don't really care what anyone else thinks. (Excluding gifted kids with Asperger's or autism.) Does your daughter like her painting class? It sounds like she might enjoy something that's more physical (some gifted kids are quite energetic!) Do you know why your daughter was crawling around on the floor? Did you ask her?
If you try to measure your daughter's behavior against the behavior of other kids, you'll try yourself crazy! Gifted kids aren't like other kids.
QUESTION: I think you're on the mark with the intrinsic motivation and unlearned habits. The VP at her school has also suggested sensory integration disorder, as my daughter appears to seek motion, jumping, "likes" to fall, etc. That's why she was sliding on the wood floor. She said it was 'irresistible". She likes the feel of the smooth wood and the motion of sliding. Are sensory issues common in gifted children?
Also, any hints on teaching a better work ethic, now that I realize she never learned to work hard in the first place? She does end up getting good grades, even with just minimal effort. She makes mostly As and some Bs so I guess I shouldn't complain. It's just that her teacher often tells me about dd's late work, missing work, disorganization, spacing out, not sitting properly or still, etc. I'm afraid the GT specialist is losing patience as well. Thanks again for everything.
Answer Hi again, Sandra,
There are definitely some sensory issues common in gifted children. I'm working on finding a way to help parents distinguish the difference between sensory integration disorder and gifted "supersensitivity," but I haven't found a good way yet. Generally speaking, though, disorders are severe enough to cause an interruption in a person's life. I think it is hard to make that distinction with children since they have not yet fully developed. For example, they have not yet matured enough to manage all their emotions, so how can we tell if they have a disorder that is disrupting their lives or if they simply haven't yet gained sufficient maturity to cope?
Pay particular attention to the sensual supersensitivity. As you read about these sensitivities, note that they are not any kind of defect or deficiency. That means that they are not signs of a disorder. That doesn't mean that sensory integration disorder doesn't exist; it just means that heightened sensitivities are not always a sign of it.
As for the motivation, that is extremely difficult to manage, particularly if a child is intrinsically motivated. Neither rewards nor punishments make a difference with those kids. It all has to come from within. Sometimes with kids who are able to focus on the future, you can get them to see the importance of working now to reap rewards later. Unfortunately, that doesn't work too often since these kids tend to live in the here and now. Thinking about the consequences 10 or 15 years from now of what they do right now doesn't mean too much.
The gifted specialist, as a gifted specialist, should be aware of these issues and should already have some strategies to use. If she doesn't, I have to wonder.... In any case, sometimes contracts work with these kids. They agree to do x, y, and z in exchange for a, b, and c. What they do, of course, is the homework, and what they get is a grade or something else. The key, though, is to ask them to do only what they need to do in order to learn the material being taught. That means that the contract should not be something like DD agrees to keep her papers organized, complete all homework assignments, and turn homework in on time. That probably won't work. It's just a written version of what everyone is telling your daughter to do now.
Instead, a contract is specific to the child and has specific goals. It doesn't mean that the child gets special assignments. It does mean that the child gets some special accommodations. For example, a contract could say that if a child turns in homework X on time and gets an A, she does not have to do homework Y (or she may be able to chose her own homework Y to demonstrate she understands the lesson).
The trick to reversing underachievement is to catch it early and to work with the teacher and the school to reverse it. If they aren't willing, there isn't a lot you can do as a parent. The things you can do include getting your child involved in outside activities she is interested in (like music or art). Sometimes kids are just not motivated by school work, but are highly motivated in other areas, including community services.
