About Patty Martens Expertise I can answer questions about the development, education and testing of gifted people from infancy to adulthood, as well as questions about twice exceptional issues (gifted and disabled) and social/emotional needs.
Experience I have a private practice in Denver, CO and conduct full assessments of children entering schools and programs for the gifted, and college students with twice exceptional needs. I have 20 years of experience as a Licensed School Psychologist and I have trained in gifted assessment with national experts in the field. I have been the director of a gifted and talented program for a local school district and have worked in several schools for the gifted. My son is a gifted 11 year old boy so I have a parents experience and perspective.
Organizations National Association of School Psychologists.
Education/Credentials Masters in Educational Psychology, License in School Psychology.
Question Hello,
My four year old daughter, who we believe to be gifted, possibly highly so, is currently seeing a therapist for general anxiety. I have read that anxiety is rather common in gifted children, especially those who are highly sensitive to emotions and emotional situations. We are working on calming techniques (yoga, even, and a guided imagry CD that she loves).
At an assessment when she was three and a half (roughly a year a go) the school psychologists mentioned the anxiety she witnessed (we hadn't really realized it was anxiety until it was mentioned to us...we just though of her as cautious and slow-to-warm-up)and even suggested medication.
We did not agree with the medication suggestion, but we have kept our eye on it, and sure enough she has displayed more and more worrying habits. She has bitten all of her nails to the nub and shredded the skin from each finger tip. This prompted us to seek professional help.
How common is anxiety in such young children? Is it connected to her giftedness? She's still a cautious child when it comes to trying new things (she displays perfectionist tendencies), but is extremely social, although awkward at times. She has a hard time striking up conversations with children her own age...she's drawn to the older kids but they rarely want anything to do with her.
I won't bore you with her list of early milestones, but one thing that has progressed over the last two years is reading. She learned very early (13 months or so) to identify both capital and lower case letters and simultaneously learned their phonemes. By 2 she had many sight words, and at 3.5 was reading simple "bob" books. Now that she can read simple words phonetically she refuses to do so. I often hear her in her room sounding out words, but will not admit to being able to read. I believe her to be reading at a late Kindergarten level independently, and 1st grade instructionally. We've NEVER 'hothoused' her, and she's never seen a flashcard. What puzzles me is this hiding. When asked she says she can't read and won't "until I grow up to be a woman". Thats fine, it's not her progression that worries me, although I always thought this would be a time of sharing...not hiding. She loves to be read to....Charlotte's Web is a favorite, as are the original Winnie the Pooh, and Magic Treehouse. At the moment we are reading non fiction books about volcanoes... a new interest of hers. She also loves tornadoes and sea lions....and in fact will be starting a preschool program at our local aquarium. I wanted to bypass the usual preK stuff this year (she did preK last year, and academically was already ahead at the beginning of the year).
Should I be worried about the refusal to read? I was an underachiever all through school and didn't really 'bloom' until college where I finally enjoyed school (and got easy A's). Although I was never tested (my parent's didn't believe in IQ assessment), I believe that my husband and I fall in the gifted range. My fear is Kindergarten will start (next fall) and she'll be overlooked for enrichment or differentiation. She tends to "when in Rome" when around other kids, copying their speech patterns and movements. Only with the rare child will she be herself.
My husband and I gave decided to have her IQ tested when she turns 6 or so....just so we have a better understanding of her strengths and weaknesses. Some are obvious...like jigsaws...she was completing 100 piece puzzles at 2.5 almost completely independently(she just needed some help sorting) and now at 4 loves the 200 pc. ones. She often will spend 3 hours a day doing her puzzles, with our with out me. Other's are a little less...she used to love math games and could add and subtract numbers to 20 in her head (at 3) but now will only count like she sees others doing (to ten or so, using her fingers).
So in the end, I worry about the anxiety and the hiding (if that is what it is..she seems so young to be doing this...for my husband and I this didn't begin until early elementary). Should I be worried while she is still so young? Do you recommend testing? I often hear it should only be done for schooling or when a problem arises...but I'm afraid things will snowball. It is hard to see my child go through the same things I struggled with.
Thank you for any advice you have to offer.
Lillian
Answer Hello Lillian. It is quite obvious that your daughter is highly gifted, and based on the information you provided, possibly profoundly gifted. In this case perfectionism and hyper sensitivity can set in as early as 4 years. I would strongly suggest IQ testing for her now. It will be important for her to be in a kindergarten for gifted children, if such programs are provided where you live, and early, individual testing will help you get the reliable and valid results you need to start the enrollment process. Even a private school for gifted kindergarten should be considered if the public school program doesn't start until 1st grade. Why all this urgency, you might ask? Well the first intervention you want to provide is the right educational setting, especially given her predisposition for anxiety and perfectionism. It would be detrimental to have her first school experience be one where she feels "different" from the other children. This would most likely cement the masking of intelligence she has already begun to demonstrate. She needs to be among her intellectual age peers. This is crucial, and should not be underestimated.
IQ testing is not only done for schooling or when a problem arises. You want to get ahead of any problems, and be pro-active. IQ testing and gifted and talented assessment, when done by a qualified professional, will give you a great deal of information about your daughter's learning style and how to meet her needs, now and in the future.
Perfectionism is a common trait among gifted children and it leads to under-achievement as you have already surmised. Studies have shown that gifted girls who overcome the negative aspects of perfectionism are encouraged to set attainable goals, are taught to accurately self evaluate in order to achieve their "personal best", and are told that mistakes are an acceptable part of learning. On the other hand, girls who demonstrate unhealthy aspects of perfectionism have a fixation about making mistakes, resulting in a high state of anxiety, from a very early age. Often the expectation to be "perfect" comes from within, although at times it comes from others, who aren't aware of how they communicate their expectations. There are several ways to combat this tendency starting now. 1. Demonstrate your own healthy way of coping with disappointment or failure. Tell your daughter that you tried something and it didn't turn out the way you wanted, but you learned so much in the process. 2. Praise your daughter for her efforts and be specific so you are also teaching her what "effort" means. For example, rather than telling her that she is a good reader, tell her that when she struggled to figure out a word, she tried different ways to pronounce it until it sounded right, and don't forget to follow that with something like, "that's the way we learn, isn't it exciting!" 3. Use objective language and give feedback about her advanced traits or accomplishments. Start your feedback with the words, "I noticed..." For example, if she completes a puzzle, say "I noticed you got frustrated when you were at this part, but you kept trying different pieces until you found the one that fit." Avoid all language such as "smarter", "better", "best" for awhile. 4. Keep the focus on what her learning needs are and how she learns best and ask her to tell you how she thinks she learns best. For example, when she tells you that she learned something from watching a video, ask her if she thinks she learns a lot of things from videos. If she tells you she remembers a fact about health from an interactive display at the museum, tell her you think it’s interesting that she learned that fact from doing something related to it. 5. Set reasonable goals. If she avoids reading because she is afraid of making mistakes, or of appearing smarter than everyone else, or of being held to an unattainable expectation, ask her just to read one word of the book you are reading to her as she follows along. Don't respond with praise, just let her participate in this small way and perhaps she will work up to reading a phrase or sentence.
I hope this is helpful. Good luck and take care. Patty Martens, Turning Point Assessment Services, Denver Colorado.
