AboutJan Hayner Expertise I can answer questions that have to do with all aspects of grandparenting. Relationships, Step-grandchildren, things to do, ways to help them, things you have control over and things to don't etc.
Experience I am the mom of 4 and grandma of 8 (plus half of the neighborhood). I have been raising kids almost all of my life and had many experiences to refer to.
Organizations I belonged to PTA, Den Mother for Cub Scouts, Bluebird Troop Leader, E4E (Education for Employment) Committee Member, Volunteer at the local hospital in the Pediatric Department, and was involved with many other kids projects.
Expert: Jan Hayner Date: 6/2/2008 Subject: Should I try for custody?
Question My granddaughter is 2. My daughter, her mother, is in and out of jail, and the father, whom we suspect is not truly the child's father is also in and out of the jail system. After not being able to contact my daughter for two weeks, we find out she is in jail, once again. The child has been with her "father", and his drug addicted family, whom also have been in the court system continuously. After contacted the "father", he is pleased to drop her off with us. This is not the first time for this to happen. "Daddy" doesn't have a job and a permanent address. I am sure my daughter has lost her job, which in return she will lose her place of residence. And she refuses to stay with us. We feel the parents are unable to give her the secure up bringing she deserves. What can we do to help our grandchild? Should we try for custody? We want to do what ever it takes to give this precious little angel the joy in which a child deserves.
Answer Hi Susan;
I agree with you 100%! She isn't getting a fair shake in life that is for sure. You have several options open to you, depending on the state that you live in. Now, keep in mind, I am not a lawyer, so check into everything with the right authorities, usually the Family Services area in your town in the best place to start, the Family Court Commisioners Office is also very helpful too. If needed, you can also go to the District Attorneys Office for more advice.
I am thinking that the father knows the child is better off with you and doesn't want the responsibilities of a child or he wouldn't be so willing to let you have her. He may also be in doubt of the childs real 'father' status. A DNA test costs money, I think around 150-300 dollars?? that is just hearsay, I am not sure if the price varies by area. But that is a major option. He may be willing to take one to prove the child IS NOT his and he won't have to pay child support. It can't hurt to bring it to his attention phrased in that way.
Second. I would contact the Department of Social Services (also known as Family Services) and see what options are open to you. They would also help with legal knowledge as to how to make it happen. You could get a foster parents license and have her placed in your hands, go for custody or partial custody, there are a lot of options open to you. Keep in mind that you will also want to make sure that you have the legal right for medical emergencies.
I am guessing that you daughter may want to fight you on this one, but if there is a record of her ending up in jail and so called 'bad' behavior, the court system will rule in your favor. They would rather a family member have the child and if the father is willing for that to happen, it makes it a lot easier.
It may be hard for you to talk to him (because of bad circumstances) but at this time, make him your friend for the sake of the child. I don't think he would disagree on this one from the sounds of it. The more that he is willing for you to have the child, the better off things would be and the faster they will go.
Good luck, Best Wishes and take care of that little dolly, your the only stable ones in her life and she is going to need you a lot.
Jan Hayner
