You are here:

Grandparenting/Need help with my grandson

Advertisement


Question
I am so clueless to find a solution to this problem.  My daughter's oldest son is 20 years old.  He dropped out of school, then got his GED.  And he seems to have no goals, no ambition at all.  He stays up all night playing video games, then sleeps until noon.  My daughter's husband is his stepdad, and he is understandably sick of this.

The ideal solution would be for the kid to get a job and contribute to the family.  Problems with that idea - they live at least 2 miles from any place that might be hiring.  He has no car, he has bad knees so he can't walk very far, and he he has severe asthma.  The family has only one vehicle and dad needs that to go to work, so nobody can give the kid a ride.

Now she is asking me for advice, because her husband wants to kick him out.  I have no idea what to tell her.  Can you help me?

Answer
Hi Susan,
It sounds like this young man has been enabled too long.  It's time for him to grow up and live in the big world on his own so he can appreciate what he has.  We all moved out, on our own, with nothing to speak of, and survived!  It will be hard, but it's supposed to be.  He can get any job he wants, and he can walk or get a bicycle or call a friend.  He needs to be responsible for himself.  Support the parents by encouraging their sending him out on his own.  When he calls to complain, just tell him he can do it and you support him as he continues to try.  It will be difficult, but it will be worth it in the long run.  good luck!  

Grandparenting

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Debbie Preece

Expertise

I answer all kinds of grandparenting questions, give ideas on how to interact and be a positive influence with grandchildren ages 3-12.

Experience

I have raised three children who are now raising 11 of my grandchildren. Everyone should have the experience of being a Grandparent before they are a Parent,it is so much more fun! I live in the area of 5 of my grandchildren and I have experience teaching them how to cook, clean up after themselves and give happy, first time obedience. This flows over into their own homes and often helps with relations between the in-laws. I have experience using The Happy Face Token System and offer ideas for variations and adaptations with the token economy concept.

Publications
From Combat Zone to Love at Home: The Happy Face Token System http://healthappy.com http://desperatemommy.com http://foxholeparenting.com http://biblebasedparenting101.com http://happyfacetokens.com http://floridabestmom.com

Education/Credentials
Raised three happy and healthy children who are now raising children.

Past/Present Clients
"I've listened to the [CD]and read the book,and really got a lot of ideas. I already use sort of the same system but I call it "Nana Bucks". The kids get paid for good behavior, chores, etc. Seems to work but I'm incorporating some more of your ideas in it."

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.