Expert: Christian Eliab Ratnam - 8/31/2008

Question
I have a problem that I can't seem to find an answer to.  My wife and I enjoy a good sexual relationship however I cannot seem to get off.  I don't have any problem getting and staying excited however a climax seems to be out of reach.  My wife has no problems having an orgasm (or two or three).  This gets to be old for me and I would like to finish with her, but lately it ends up with her or me going the manual stimulation route.  I would like to find a better way to get off.  I hate to say quicker but she is tired of going 15 to 25 minutes or more.

Answer
Charles, firstly I want you to know that this issue is very very common amongst men. In fact even I had this problem initially. The key here is arousal. You must be very much aroused and you must believe that you can have an orgasm. That's key. Secondly, you must focus on sex...you must be turned on...for example... (Although I firmly oppose cheating, I find porn movies that show couples cheating on one another a real turn on.)...find yourself a fetish and concentrate when having sex. Don't lose focus and get yourself absorbed into it. You'll get faster as time goes by. You can get your wife to help you with it...either by talking real dirty and reminding you of your fetish or just by moaning the way you like it. Well don't slip out of concentration when you think the climax is close. That is the most common error. Concentration and focus is key to solving this. Hope this helps. All the best!