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How to Have Great Sex/I cannot climax in intercourse

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Question
I am 33 years old, and Iíve been married for 14 years. I have only had sex with one guy and that is my husband. My sex life sucks. I don't enjoy having sex because it hurts and I don't get the pleasure that most women get. One of the main problems is that I cannot climax when my husband is inside me. He goes down on me and I can get an orgasm, but I want to feel pleasure and climax when heís inside. Is there something wrong with me? Do I need to see a doctor? Not been able to orgasm when my husband is inside cannot be right.
This problem is affecting my marriage greatly. We don't have sex much because I don't desire to have sex. I can go months without been intimate. However, my husband wants to have sex all the time. This problem I have is taking a toll in my marriage. It cannot be normal to not climax inside your man and not have sex for long periods of time (up to 2 months#. The longest I stayed away from sex was eight months #at that time my husband and I were not living together).

Please help me or help me understand what is wrong with me.

Thanks
Jackie M.

Answer
You seem to have two problems: You cannot reach orgasm in intercourse, and it hurts when you have intercourse.  The inability to reach orgasm in intercourse is a common one among women which can often be overcome through practice and exercises.  However, it is unusual that intercourse still hurts you after you have been sexually active for at least 14 years.  That could be an indicator of some kind of problem that you ought to have addressed by your gynecologist.  

Could it be that your husband has an especially large penis?  Men with large penises ought not thrust as forcefully in intercourse because it can hurt his partner.  

It is good that you can reach orgasm orally.  Perhaps a compromise would be for your husband to bring you to orgasm through cunnilingus and then penetrate you vaginally.  You might be more relaxed and able to tolerate intercourse after an oral orgasm.

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Doug Adams, Ph.D.

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I am willing to answer questions in all areas of sexuality. I have been giving advice to both males and females for over 13 years, and in that time I have answered thousands of questions. I advocate taking healthy practices into account in engaging sexually.

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I have written the web site HealthyStrokes.com for over 13 years, taking questions from both males and females on sexuality.

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