How to Have Great Sex/pain down there


QUESTION: Hello again,  I recently asked you questions about erection problems and masturbation causing problemsin bed ( im 20 and recently married) im so sorry to trouble you again but im really worried and you hace been so kind and helpful ( I guess thats your punishment for being so good at this lol) idk if you remember but ive been having some trouble performing and basically we've tried watching porn together ( she has never watched porn) and trying some new positions and we've been really succesful! I think the excitement distracted me from my anxiety so I was able get hard and let  loose. ( a lot of the success is from your advice). The other night we tried it from behind and it was awesome for both of us ( I got really into it and pulled her hair, for some reason she really like that, who knew?) But a little later, she was moaning from serious pain down there, even though we used lube and she was pretty wet. ( we did it once before that, this was on a second time, my first time making her come twice:)) do u know why thus pain happened? Im sp sorry to trouble you again. I cant thank you enough for all your help

ANSWER: Hi Charles,

Yes, I remember you.

Sorry to hear this has happened!

Was this during anal or vaginal sex?
Did she have any tearing or bleeding?
What kind of pain did she have, can you describe it more.  Was it in her stomach (internal), or at the opening (vaginal/anal)? Cramps, soreness, tenderness...

Please let me know and I will try to answer this for you.  Add as much details as you can.  And, its ok to be explicit. I don't have "virgin" ears.


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for getting back to me so quickly. Vaginal. I don't believe there was bleading. She dud say her abdomonal area hurt and her vagina itself is very sore

Hello Charles,

Ok. You guys were a little over zealous with your lovemaking then. During sex, our pleasure synapses are turned on and out pain receptors are reduced.  That is why some people like a little bit of pain or roughness during sex, that would NOT feel good normally (like hair pulling, or spanking...).  So you guys probably went at it very hard which felt good to her at the time, but caused her pain after her endorphins cooled down.  Even if she was pretty wet and you used lots of lube.  You may have pushed into her insides a bit hard and hit some tender spots, and also with lots of friction (fast and hard sex) this can cause soreness in the vagina and opening after sex as well.

Her soreness, tenderness shouldn't last long.  However next time, be a careful (and she should too, by letting you know if something is too hard, fast or causing friction). A lot of women get this from time to time.  So, now that you both know you can be a bit more careful in the future not to overdo it.

However, if this happens a lot, then there may be another problem.  But I don't think that is the case this time.

Take it easy,


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I am happy to answer any questions about human sexuality and how to have great sex. Which positions facilitate G-spot pleasure? What is the best way to explore anal sex for the first time? How can I spice up my sex life? Is kinky sex right for me, and how can I safely explore it? Sex positions, types of orgasm for men and women, how to prolong or delay orgasms, multiple orgasms, Tantra and more... And, don't forget types of foreplay and setting the mood. Feel free to ask me these or any questions you have about how to have great sex.


As as pleasure consultant, I have worked for 6 years in various sex toy shops, including brick and mortar shops where I advised customers on what types of toys they may like to purchase, as well as educating them on the toys and sexuality in general. I have an established sex toy review blog with over 5000 articles, reviews and sexual information posts, and have gained a reputation as a sexuality expert.

6 years working in the sex toy industry 5 years reviewing sex toys and writing articles on sexuality BFA and a BA Numerous workshops on sexuality and sex toys in general.

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