How to Have Great Sex/Sex life


Dear Tom,

I am in a relationship with girl I have been with for almost a year now. I lost my virginity last year to her at the age of 20-21, so I am pretty new and lack experience when it comes to sex I guess. Also in certain aspects I am not well experienced with dealing with women, as I grew up with little contact with women I wasn't related to.

my main problem is, I am not sure with regards to sex with my partner. either due to my inexperience, or her bad history with previous partners, i am not able to enjoy sex like i would like to:

1 - when we have sex, sometimes I last around 1 min, other times 5, sometimes 20 mins. Should i masturbate before sex to last longer consistently?
2 - when i ejaculate she has to masturbate herself to orgasm, so she finishes herself off, and i feel slightly humiliated. where am i going wrong? should i make her orgasim first, then go in?
3 - i would like to have sex more than once per day, though she usually cant handle more than one as she starts chafing. sometimes she gets really wet, other times (perhaps due to the sex position) she doesnt get much and eventually starts chafing.

Would really appreciate any advice


Hi Stev,

Here is probably the most important sexual advice you will ever get.   Get her off first!

If she has already orgasmed she wont care how long or quick you were.   If you are getting her off, she will more like want to have sex with you.

On my web site I have a posting about the female orgasm.  Take a look at it, perhaps that can give  some insight as to how to please her.

Besides books like the modern Kama Sutra and the Joy of Sex  I like
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

and if you prefer DVDs    Tristan Taormino's Guide to Female Orgasms

Drop by my web site and see what else my interest you.

Good luck,  

How to Have Great Sex

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Tom Blair


Sexual Relationship Coaching. A published author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.


Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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