How to Have Great Sex/orgasms


im 22 and never been able to orgasm. me and my boyfriend are in a very loving long term relationship but are still like 16 year old teenagers with each other all the others ammusment! we enjoy an amazing sex life and almost nothing is off limits but ive never been able to orgasm. ive sometimes felt i might be close but id love to feel it considering how much im turned on when were together and how good it always feels. i cant manage it ony own either amy ways either alone or that my boyfriend and i can try ive scoured the net for ages and nothing seems to give any possible solutions

ANSWER: Hello Sue,

Women learn to orgasm at different times of their lives.  Some women find out how to do this earlier, and some later. So, I wouldn't worry that you are abnormal.

However, since you really want to, lets find out why you haven't been able to.

If you can answer these questions for me, they are a bit intimate, but will help me help you better.

What methods of masturbation have you tried?
Have you used a vibrator during masturbation?
Have you stimulated your clitoris during masturbation?
Do you or your boyfriend stimulate your clitoris during sex, or foreplay, either via fingers, vibrator, or oral sex?
Do you have enough foreplay before sex to get you to almost the peak of orgasm?
Have you tried using fantasy (in your mind) while you masturbate?
If you have gotten close to climax, what happens before you can do it? Does the stimulation stop too soon? Does your mind interrupt you and take you out of your body?  Do you feel weird, and then back away?  If you can describe what you feel like just before you think you are going to orgasm, and what happens if anything that may be stopping you from relaxing and going over the edge into climax.

If you can answer those questions for me, I should be able to help you more.


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QUESTION: thank you for your reply. i only ever usually try when im with boyfriend as i dont seem to get anything out of it metally on my own i dont tend to feel anything muh and find it a bit weird. but with him i tend to stimulate around my cliterous with a vibrator while he willuse his fingers to help or he will use a combination of those with his tounge as well. it always feel really good but after a while it justkind of stops and i cant get the feeling back and so we switch to having sex which as i menioned is always incredible but is totally different stimulationwise and never feel close to something like i assume orgasm through it. hope that answers some more questions

Hello Sue,

Well, the reason I asked so many questions about masturbation, is because that's how we learn to orgasm.  Usually, most people will have their first orgasm that way, as you learn what feels good, and then you can teach this to your lover.

If you don't feel comfortable doing it yourself, then continue to do it with your BF. When the feeling starts to go away, try something else, like having sex, or other types of foreplay, and then come back to clitoral stimulation again.  Also, try exploring different things, different ways of touching and different body parts, to see what turns you on.

I think your main problem with achieving orgasm has to do with you not exploring your own body enough, so if you can explore that more with your lover, then continue to do so.  And, it would actually help to start masturbating as well, even if you do it with your lover, maybe while they are kissing you, or during foreplay.

Also, when stimulating the clitoris, don't just stimulate right on it.  Try moving the vibrator around it.  Usually, there is one side that is more sensitive, and is your hot spot.  So try to find out where that is on you. And if the feeling becomes overwhelming or goes away, try something different, like just stimulating the vulva for a while and come back to the clitoris later.  But keep exploring and eventually you will get there.

I hope this helps.


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I am happy to answer any questions about human sexuality and how to have great sex. Which positions facilitate G-spot pleasure? What is the best way to explore anal sex for the first time? How can I spice up my sex life? Is kinky sex right for me, and how can I safely explore it? Sex positions, types of orgasm for men and women, how to prolong or delay orgasms, multiple orgasms, Tantra and more... And, don't forget types of foreplay and setting the mood. Feel free to ask me these or any questions you have about how to have great sex.


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