How to Have Great Sex/Trouble Ejaculating


I have not been able to ejaculate the first three times that I have had sex with my current partner. I had the opposite problem with my last partner: I would have trouble withholding my ejaculation after the first few minutes of vaginal intercourse. This bother her so much that I bought a Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit to practice holding out longer. I did reach a point where I could hold on for twenty minutes or so with the Fleshlight, although this was only when I was consistently using it throughout the week. Otherwise I would typically go after a few minutes as well. I have stopped using the Fleshlight and masturbating prior to being involved with my current partner, although I still have had the opposite issue with her: I haven't been able to ejaculate.

For whatever reason, she doesn't feel as tight. When I enter her, I have given her multiple orgasms although she doesn't feel as tight and warm as I remember my last partner. This is odd as my last partner had given birth to a child, but my current partner hasn't. My last partner did have an inverted cervix. And my current partner is using the Nuva Ring for birth control. I'm not sure what variables may be at play here, although I don't want to give her a complex that she isn't able to ejaculate… Nor have I wanted to share with her that I didn't have this problem with my last partner. My current partner has already shared that her last partner had this issue: he wasn't able to ejaculate. So, I'm concerned for some reason she doesn't provide as much stimulation as other women…

So far we have only tried missionary and cowgirl. I am only 5" so some positions feel more difficult to stay in her than others. We're looking at trying other condoms to increase stimulation as well. I'm open to any creams…

Please let me know what you advise and how I may start talking to her about this without it becoming an issue between us. We have a really good thing going on and just started having sex.

Hi Tim,

Sorry for taking so long to get back to you. First, the Nuva Ring should have no effect. You say you can not ejaculate.  By that do you mean that you do not orgasm?  Or that you get no emissions when you orgasm?  I am assuming you mean that you do not orgasm.  When you masturbate or she masturbates you, do you orgasm?  Are you able to orgasm with oral sex?  If you do, then the issue is with penetration only.  Besides the tightness of her vagina, is there anything else about her that is different from you last lover?  Is there some emotional difference between them?  If, for instance, she reminds you of a bad experience or your mother, or anything that is inhibiting your pleasure, the quickest effective solution would be a self hypnosis program.  On my web site there is a link to a company that produces some very good, safe and effective programs.

For some men premature ejaculation and delayed ejaculation is related to the sensitivity of the penis.  Do you get intense sensations when the head of your penis is touched?  Creams are used to desensitize. Condoms have the same effect.

If the only issue is the tightness of the vagina, a slight shift in position may solve the problem.  By shifting up or down just a little with either the missionary or cowgirl (or reversed cowgirl) you may be able to get more contact between your penis and her vaginal wall.

Now if none of these things work, how about you ask her to get you off orally.  She will have proof that you are satisfied.  You can get each other off as part of the foreplay than it will not matter if you do during intercourse.  Or, after you have satisfied her see if she can finish you off.

On my web site I have the Intimate Couple Store where you can find numerous books and DVDs as well as other products designed to improve your sex life.  Looking at that site as a couple can be a good conversation started to explore you sexual desires and needs.

Have a sexy day,

How to Have Great Sex

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Tom Blair


Sexual Relationship Coaching. A published author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.


Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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