How to Have Great Sex/Better Sex


Hi Tom,

I'm in my early 40's and feel that I can be better in bed. I have not been very experimental in the past and would like this to change. I would like to receive some tips on how to be better in bed, and surprise, my partner with some new ideas. I hope you can point me in the right direction.

Many thanks.

Hi Victoria,

My passion is helping couples have better sex.  And there are a great many things you can do.

Here is an article I wrote for my blog.

Has your relationship cooled in the bed room?  Are you thinking of ending the relationship?  Rather than bail on the relationship, let’s try a few things to bring back the passion.  Here are 4 powerful ways to rekindle the passion.

What is your typical sex like?  You roll over, tap her on the shoulder and say “You wanna?”, if she does, what then?  Do you give it all you have for 10 seconds then roll over and go to sleep?  If this sounds like your typical sex night, there is good news.  We can help you get more and more out of it.

Great sex requires  intimacy. And they are NOT the same thing.  To have a great relationship, great intimacy is  required.   And you get that from being actively involved in the entire relationship, not just the sex.   Spend some time showing affection, communicating and doing things together that are not sex related.  Intimacy is having a happy and healthy relationship.  Now for the sex part.  Here are 4 ideas to help relieve the Boredom in the Bed Room.  This is just the beginning there are many more things you can do.

1 – Foreplay

Foreplay is one of the most misunderstood aspects of good sex.  It is not “squeezing a boob” or “patting a fanny”.  Foreplay does not start with a kiss.  It is the expressions of love that precede the act of love. It is the gentle caress hours before.  It is the loving words whispered in a crowded room.  It is the smile for no reason.  Foreplay is the love before the love play.

2 – Spontaneity

Is your sex life predictable?  Like clock work every second Friday at 11 PM you have sex.  Such regularity can make sex seem more like a chore, a wifely duty.   Sex can happen any where and anytime.  You don’t have to wait until Friday or have it in the bed.   Next time the kids are out for the day try taking a shower together.  After you have made the bed, mess it up again.  Try out the sofa or the floor.  Some of us have to plan our spontaneity and that’s ok.   There is nothing at all wrong with planning an afternoon rendezvous.  And if you have been working on you intimacy the opportunities for spontaneous sex will be much improved.

3 – Communication

For some, “do you wanna” and “yes (or no)” is all the communication they engage in.       There is so much more to it.  Do you know what your partner really likes or really doesn’t?   Have you discussed with your partner any fantasies you each have?  Have you asked your partner what you can do to make sex better for them?  And when you talk are you really listening?

Talking about sex is very difficult for many, but good open communications can lead to very good sex.  In fact it can lead to very good spontaneous sex.  If getting that conversation going is a challenge, here are a couple of ideas.    After watching a movie or TV show where lovemaking was portrayed, ask have you ever thought about doing that?  Get a Cosmo or Playboy and read, yes read, it together.   That is sure to create some discussion.  Remember not to be judgmental but open to your partner’s ideas.

4 – Variety

On the second Friday when he says yes, is it the same old missionary position?    Is it a quick slam, bam, thank you ma’am?

There are a lot of positions to try. Don’t be afraid to experiment.  If your imagination is limited, there are many books and web sites that can give you some ideas.  In fact sharing the book or web site with your partner just might lead to some new and exciting sex.  And then there is technique.  The same sex act doe with a slight twist in technique can make the earth move.  Listen to your partner and pay attention to details and the same old sex can become very exciting.

There is a whole new world of ideas out there for the inquiring mind; positions, toys, videos romantic or pornographic.  Remember that both of you need to be OK with what ever changes you bring into the bedroom.
Take a look at that site and see wha else you can pick up.

Have a sexy night,

How to Have Great Sex

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Tom Blair


Sexual Relationship Coaching. A published author. I am comfortable answering questions dealing with most areas of sex.


Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator All relationships are based on having certain needs being met. Healthy relationships are ones where there is a mutual meeting of these needs. Respect, honesty, communication are just some of those needs When those needs and others are not being met, the relationship will fall into disrepair. Together we will identify those needs and work to correct the imbalance. It is not too late, love can be rekindled. And it can last a life time.

Neural Linguistic Practitioner Hypnotherapist Sexual Relationship Coach Internationally read author. Retired Educator

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