About Drea Jean H. Expertise I can`t tell you exactly "how" to have great sex, but can offer a range of ideas to try, things to do to help spice up your sex life, emotional and physical factors to consider when engaging in intercourse with your partner, and a non-judgmental enviroment about any sexual question you may have.
Experience
Past/Present clients Do friends count? I have been in committed sexual relationships for 12+ years (ex-husband and finace) and I am always finding myself questioned by friends with little expierence, or those who want to spice it up.
Question My fiance and I have been a "thing" for about 12 years. Over the years of our on and off again relationship sex was never a problem. Our first sexual encounter happens to be my most memorable (as well as my funniest). We finally decided to spend the rest of our lives together four months ago. We live together. In the past four months I believe we have been intimate only 5 or 6 times. He barely kisses me these days, let alone wants to touch me. At first he said it was his sleeping pills that may have been the problem because out of the 5 or 6 times we have had sex he has only been able to stay aroused twice! Now he just doesnt even bother to try. Not even a passionate kiss. I used to try to get his attention now I have kinda given up. Yes he works a lot and is tired but that shouldnt be a factor, if you want it you usually will take it regardless. I feel unwanted. I am a very sexual person not to mention very attractive. Most men would feel grateful to have a woman like me who wants to touch them all the time. Whats the problem? How do I put the spark, literally, back into this relationship, before we get married?
Answer Hi Ari,
My sincerest apologies for not getting to this answer sooner. My internet was down, and I have been playing catch up and had 42 questions to get to. I am so sorry I did not respond sooner.
I dont think the problem is you, I think its him. You mentioned 3 things that are big factors when it comes to sex for men. One, he works alot, two he is tired, and three he has been taking sleeping pills, wich contribute even more to how tired he is. He may not be resting well at night, and even just functoining through the day is difficult.
When men are young, 18-24, nothing will slow them down. But as they age, they begin to need more energy for sex, they often have carrers and responsbilities that weigh heavy on their mind. Many things are inhibited by this, even their erections. Maybe because he hasn't been able to stay aroused, he feels bad about it, is afraid it will happen again, and has stopped trying because he is afraid to disappoint you. Even the kissing, maybe he is afraid it will lead to something he may not be able to finish, because he is tried and his body isn't working like he wants it to.
My first suggestion, is to try keeping an open communication. Tell him you miss the sexual part of the relationship, and see if he misses it to. Then make changes, and compromise on how to fix it. Maybe he feels better earlier in the day, or when he has days off. See if you can figure that out. Maybe even suggest he see a Dr., try diffrent brands of sleeping pills, or add vitamins to boost his energy level.
Next, try to interest him, even at the risk you may be turned down. You might find that over time, he will become more eager. Take showers together, take a trip and get away from it all, try talking him into having sex in diffrent places, or diffrent positions than you have done before. Send him naughty notes or email, or phone messages, to let him know you are thinking about him.
I hope that helps give you a few reasons for his behavior, and maybe helps you think of somethings that will help you get started.
