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Question I live around Indianapolis Indiana and me and my boyfriend (I guess) have been together for about 8 years. We have a wonderful sex life and are VERY open minded. We have done just about everything and are actually going to venture down another road. One night when I am asleep his is going to sneak in and "rape" me. Of course it is all willing but just the thought of him overpowering me and forcing sex on me (kind of) is so freaking hot. anyhow...I love anal sex but it is really uncomfortable at first. I have to really be in a mood for it. How can I make this easier? I work at a hospital and have a numbing gel that we use and I have tried MANY other things but it is always painful at first. I think he just loves it so much that he gets a little crazy and can't control himself. Any ideas??? Also I need some more sex ideas!! Nothing is off limits, I am in to ANYTHING!
Thanks!
Answer Hi sexy Sabrina...
Hi...
Well I have to say I'm jealous. You sound like an absolutely fantastic and thoroughly amazing girlfriend, and for his part, he is very open minded and that is great. There are lots of roads to venture down when you are as open minded as the two of you are, and a lot of them will be very enjoyable. I'll be on a US tour (I'm a musician) in February, March, and April, and if you're ready to go down the "having a foreign, intense and very experienced male lover join you both in the bedroom to double penetrate you, make you squirt and rock your world" road, then let me know, and we'll talk. My private details are at the end of the letter.
Sneaking into rape you - well in my alternative ideas for sex, down below, designed for open minded couples like you, rape fantasy is a very prominent part of that. A lot of women and some men too, have rape fantasies, so I'm sure you'll really enjoy that.
Don't bother with the numbing gel. At all. If you read on past all of the sex alternatives for open minded people, you'll see my advice about anal - written for him. Just show that to him, and read it yourself. Numbing yourself will only make the anal experience less enjoyable, because it relies upon the sensitivity of your nerves there, which when you're not ready or relaxed will feel like pain, but when you're wildly turned on and gagging for it, will feel exquisite.
So here are all of the sex ideas that I can come up with. If you need more specifics or more extremes... then let me know.
SEX ALTERNATIVES FOR OPEN-MINDED PEOPLE
1) PUBLIC. You've probably done this already, but variation is a huge part of great sex, so if you've already done it in every room in the house, watched every porno you own while doing each other, done it to every CD in your collection, it's time to go outside, just like George Michael said (and did)... Like...
In a church
In a graveyard
On the beach
In the ocean
In a public bathroom (on the floor - oh yeah :-D)
In a train station, bus station or airport
On a train, bus or plane (welcome to the mile high club - gives a whole new meaning to snakes on a plane, hmm?)
While driving (don't blame me if you die, but I never died)
In your friend's bed
In your parent's bed
On your boss' desk
In an elevator
In the desert (that was great)
In front of famous landmarks
You get the idea
(2) ANAL. Have you tried it yet? It would take ages to tell you how (look below), but if the guy is careful and slow at first, and the girl is relaxed and oiled up, anal can be the sexiest sex and nastiest fucking you've both ever had.
(3) FEMALE DOMINATION. My favourite... the girl pretends to be like a total BITCH (not sure if she has to pretend in your case, joke), and dominates the male and hurts him and uses him and abuses him and makes him worship her. This can involve making him lick her all over, her ass, her pussy, her feet, her legs, under her arms, her shoes... all of it. It can involve spitting in his mouth. Making him lick his cum off her or out of her. It can involve trampling him, beating him. Making him eat other guys' cum out of her, or suck another guy off for her (if you're really extreme) or take him up the ass for her. Making him eat the other guy's ass or suck his balls while he fucks her. Making him eat her ass while her pussy gets fucked. Making him lick the skin between her two holes while she gets fucked by two cocks. Making him lick the soles of her feet and suck her toes while she fucks big cocked men. Make him drink her piss from her pussy or from a glass, or just piss on him. Make him eat her - you know. Make him lick her period blood. Make him suck the condom clean after fucking with one. And ALWAYS making him eat his own cum out of her. More commonly, S&M where the girl is violent, bitchy, evil and dominant is like SO sexy. One of the most common forms of femdom is the female fucking the male in the ass with a strap-on. It doesn't mean he's gay. A man has to be attracted to men to be gay. Sex acts with a woman can never be "gay" not that it really matters anyway. It just means that, like every other man, he has a prostate gland (aka male g-spot) and when some sexy girl rams a strap on up there he cums like crazy like he never came before. There is also the forced feminization scene and the taunting scene. Forced feminization is when the woman makes him dress up in her clothes, high heels, maybe make up, stockings. You can both be girlie girls, or the man can be the girl and the woman the masculine figure. You can even do #4 - rape and violence - but female-on-male rape. Taunting is easy. If he'd like to hear about how his cock is tiny and he's pathetic and the woman can't even feel him and she's going to go and fuck bigger cocks and make him do all those things I mentioned before - make him feel like a sissy boy - that is very popular among a log of men. Of course, there are MANY women who like S&M and donation the other way - like, the man being the master and she the slave. That leads me into #4. If you like any of those ideas, ask me, and I'll tell you a lot more about them. I've done them all before - yummy. I get hard just from writing about this stuff.
(4) RAPE AND VIOLENCE. Many women have rape fantasies. Many, many, many women. The difference between female rape fantasy and what most male rapists do, is that (a) most women do not want to be raped, period, and unless a man has permission to rape a woman (which technically isn't rape), it is and should be punishable by a long time in jail. It's one of the worst crimes there is. There are some women that would like to be raped, and a lot of women that would like to be raped only in fantasy but most women with rape fantasies want to be raped because they are so desirable that the man cannot resist her and just has to have her, now. Not because the man hates her and wants to abuse her and bring her down. You can discuss this with each other, and if you both like it, the man can then pretend to rape the woman. He can even LITERALLY rape her, with a mask and a knife or something, when she's not expecting it. He shouldn't hurt her badly unless that's what she wants, though. And always have a SAFE WORD that you both know, so that if the woman REALLY wants him to stop, she can stop him - usually during rape fantasy "no!" and "stop!" aren't supposed to work. VIOLENCE is becoming more popular. If the girl likes it, him spanking her, slapping her, CHOKING HER (that one is a favourite), spitting on her, scratching her, biting her, and in doggy style position PULLING HER HAIR is a great one - there are lots and lots of girls who like all or some of the above. Choking is a favourite because it cuts off the air supply, which intensifies and magnifies the orgasm greatly. Try them out - but make sure you talk about it first and figure out what your limits are. Remember they work best (and sometimes only) when the man is inside the woman, fucking her. Violence can be a lot of fun. One of my former girlfriends was into extreme violence and abuse, and I have to admit, even though I never was, brutally abusing someone and them enjoying it - is addictive. It's the sadist in me.
(5) PLAYING DRESS UP... I already mentioned the possibility of dressing up the man as a woman, which is always very sexy. But what a lot of people don't realize is, the way you look is a huge part of great sex. Once you get into a rut, the slightest change for either of you can really make a difference in the spicing up of the sex. FOR MEN: have her dress you up like a woman, the whole nine yards, like a whore, see (3) for more on that. Shave. Or grow a beard. Use new cologne. Dress up like a male stripper. Try leather. Latex. Try fireman. Try police officer. Try just wearing some new stylish clothes for her. Get your hair did. Look at the men that she idealizes and lusts after and do a little something to fulfil her fantasies in the appearance department. FOR WOMEN: there are so many things you can do. Bikinis, whore dress up, stripper clothes, check out the models or pornstars or famous women he's into, and do a little something something like them, cover yourself in baby oil, get bikini waxed, get a deep dark fake tan out of the blue, wear whore make up for him, get a sexy tattoo for him, some whore high heels, thigh high boots, latex, leather, something obscene... manicure and sexy pedicure... try temporary tattoos like on the lower back saying "fuck my whore ass" or something silly like "daddy's little princess", it really depends on what he's into. Play off of his fantasies and his fantasy girls and do something for him to turn him on visually. You can also dress like any of the things in the "roleplay" section coming soon.
(6) WORSHIP HER BODY. If a girl is really hot, my favourites are the ass, the legs and the feet. I can make out with a sexy girl's ass for hours, just like he would her pussy. The first thing you notice when a horny man gets to fuck a pornstar or model or some gorgeous stripper, is, he'll start eating her ass madly. There's something extremely guttural and instinctive about it - like dogs do. Some girls really like it. Some girls get all dominant and push his face right up in there - that's great. If you haven't tried it yet, try doing the man sucking her toes thing. Lots of girls like that. Lots of guys do too. It can start with a foot massage. it can lead to great things like stiletto-heel S&M and sexy oily footjobs. And of course my best advice for a man being a great intense and worshipful lover is for you to read (in past answers) or request my "how to pleasure a woman - full version" advice, which is the advice that made me famous, and will abso-fucking-lutely blow any woman's mind. Also part of worshipping is to CLEAN HER OUT. It's really sexy and intimate when a guy goes down on a girl AFTER he cums inside her, then shares the cum with her. Some people think it's gross. Also, when he cums on her, he (or she) can lick it off. I mentioned this in the female domination, but it's so kinky and sexy that it deserves a second mention.
(7) GROSS! OR HOT? This follows on from the male and female domination categories. It can go both ways. A lot of people find pee sexy. I know I do You can pee on each other, or in each other, or right in each other's mouths, or in glasses or bowls... you get the idea. It's not that bad for you. You can be tame and do it in the shower together, or you can do it on each other's bodies and then make love (or if you're really crazy, lick it off). Even better, him on her face or her on his. Inside her pussy (or all over his cock) is very popular for peeing, but that risks infection, like, UTI. It's worth the risk though. It's hot. Drink a lot of water before you guys pee and it won't taste too bad. It still tastes fucking bad though. If you like that, there's the more extreme toilet play and then there's spit and puke and blood and anything else you can think of. Spitting in each other's mouths - puking on each other - her making him eat menstrual blood - other blood play, cutting, blood tasting, swapping - and of course brown showers, which are the brown version of golden showers, and are particularly popular in Japan and Germany. If you'd like more information about that, let me know. I'll stop grossing you out now.
(8) SHARING is great. This is one of my personal favourites, since I make sure all of my girlfriends always love to take lots of cocks and get sometimes tied up or blindfolded, and fucked by my friends and by hot strangers from online and such. It can be "cheating" (behind each other's backs), or it can be arranged with each other, or it can be in front of each other. Swinging, wife swapping, or just random hook ups using Craigslist or the Internet, or bars, or anything else. If you both trust each other completely, fuck other people. Suck other people. It's so much fun. You find out quickly if you're jealous people. I'm not a jealous person. Love does not come into it. Whether you're eternally and completely in love, or still in early days, it's not about how much you love each other, it's about whether you get jealous or whether you can handle it and see it for what it is - just fun, and sex, and nothing more. Either just tell each other about it, or just fantasize about it, or best of all: threesomes. Wife-swapping never did it for me ('cause one of the two you're fucking is probably unattractive so one of you gets a raw deal) so I prefer threesomes. One of you can bring other girls into the equation. Threesomes are great. Watching two girls do it and being able to join in - paradise. If you're truly open-minded and he's secure in his manhood, you should also let men that she's hot for come into the bedroom and fuck the woman. Then you can also get into the female domination stuff I talked about, making him do things with a man. But there is NOTHING better for a woman (aside from squirting) than having TWO big cocks in her (one in each hole - double penetration - or two in the pussy - or one in the mouth and one in the pussy) and if he lets her have it she'll love him for it. It's not slutty! Slutty is just a word made up by misogynists for the same things that a man calls studly, if it's a man doing them. If you're really crazy, you can go into gangbangs and orgies. Imagine the man and four other guys just tearing the girl up. Would you like that? Would your partner? How about the girl and your girl and four of her friends? Five girls, one guy. It doesn't get any better. If you guys don't know any girls/guys willing to do it with you, prostitutes are cheap and often very sexy, and there's actually not that much disease risk because they will insist on safe sex and especially if you get mid priced or high priced escorts, or are in a place like Holland or Nevada where it's legal, the girls are *spectacular* and clean and very very enjoyable. Bars and nightclubs are full of hot willing girls and horny guys who'll do one of you or both for free. Craigslist is the new mecca for sex hook ups of all kinds for free. Also try alt.com and adultfriendfinder.com if you have a little money to splash. And local swinger clubs.
(9) PRETENDING / ROLE-PLAY is a tame alternative to sharing. But it doesn't have to be tame. For example, last week I came across a beautiful NY based model who also does phone sex and specializes in "snuff" phone sex. I.E. either, they act out him raping and killing her on the phone, or her killing him. That's pretty wild. A prostitute friend of mine offers these roleplay ideas as part of her "price list" for $25 each. Haha. No you can't have her name. She says this: "i will be anything u want, teacher nurse stripper whore (haha) pornstar model actress singer celebrity (u name her ill be her) cheerleader teenage bitch 8yr old ill be ur mama ur daughter ur daughters friend ur sister i dont give a fuck ill be underage a vampyre or a serial killer or victim whatever u want"... wow. So yes, basically, that says it all. Some of the things that people like. Either one of you can pretend to be other people, specific people or strangers (for her, pornstars, celebrities, family members and girls you both know are always good ideas), or just talk about other people while fucking. My favourite is: the girl pretends to be a hooker, dressed in the sluttiest nastiest fishnets and 7-inch stilettos you can find - and he comes and picks her up (in front of people, why not) and go fuck. Another great one is, she's dressed up real sexy, she goes in a bar alone dressed very very promiscuously, turns down all the guys that hit on her (and there will be plenty), then he walks in and "picks her up" and takes her home as if you both just met, while all of the unsuccessful men look on jealously. If you want to combine this cool idea with the "sharing" idea, then she can pick up two or three "strangers" including him. That way the other guys think she is just a sex crazed woman picking up three strangers, without ever knowing one of the men are actually her partner. Dressing up in uniforms and stuff also fall into this category, if you're feeling more tame. Most guys like the stripper, the porn star, the nurse and the french maid, the little schoolgirl (yawn), but sexy outfits like teddies, latex, leather and thigh high boots drive me WILD... most girls like military (boo), firefighters and teachers.
(10) MOVIES. Film yourselves having sex, doing any of the above things. Then watch it and fuck while you watch yourselves having sex. You can also take nude pictures of each other, she can do a photo shoot for him, in Playboy style, or more hardcore nasty porno style. They'll be great for when she's not around and he misses her (trust me), and if you ever break up, well, trust me, he'll be glad he has them. It's a beautiful way to remember someone and think of them fondly and hornily - with naked photos of the woman he loved and probably still loves. If there's one thing we never regret about past relationships, it's good sex. Hopefully you guys never break up, though. So yeah, make some home movies. If it's good enough for Pam, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton, it's good enough for you.
Let me know if you want me as part of your sex alternatives, my pix and music are below, and how all of those things go. And of course, if there is anything you'd like me to elaborate on - it would be my pleasure.
This is the anal part now - remember this was written for a man.
ANAL SEX
Start with the regular foreplay, going down on her, making her cum with your fingers, then start making love to her. You might want to try some or all of my "how to pleasure a woman" (full version - either look in the past answers or write back and ask me for it), in order to get her really worked up. Things like anal sex, which can be painful if done wrong, depend not only on you mastering the technique, but also upon her being extremely aroused, so that invasion into her ass feels pleasurable and amazing rather than painful and atrocious. Make sure you don't cum (ask for my premature ejaculation advice if you need help with that), and that she's comfortable and enjoying it. She should probably be aware that you intend to try anal, otherwise she may freak out when you do.
Once she's really worked up, and you're fucking her really good, and deep, and she's cumming like crazy, it's time to get to work on the ass. You should perhaps have already rimmed it and licked it and kissed it and aroused it while you were licking her pussy. Now, if you're not already in the position, change to doggy style position, and continue fucking her in the pussy. When you're sure that she's really loving it, spit on her asshole, or squirt some lube on it and up it. Rub it in gently with your free hand.
Also, if you don't mind stopping and starting, you can do my favourite thing: stop fucking her pussy, pull out, lean over, and start licking her ass. Lick around it, then lick the space between her pussy hole and asshole, then finally lick the ass hole. Lick all around it and then when she's moaning and squirming with pleasure, slide your tongue inside just a little bit. Spit on it. Kiss it. Just make it nice and wet. Use lube if it's not wet enough.
Then, continue fucking her pussy. While you're doing it, use your thumb or fingers to start gently rubbing her asshole, slowly and then firmly. When you can feel her opening up (keep fucking her hard), try to slide your thumb in there, or one of your fingers. If it doesn't go, don't force it, just repeat the above steps until it does go in. Tell her to relax, and enjoy, and it shouldn't hurt (except perhaps in a good way).
When you have one finger or thumb inside, try two fingers. Very slowly and carefully, rhythmically and softly. Don't force them in, remember. She can reach back and play with her clitty, or you can fuck her pussy even harder and stroke her back or pull her asscheeks apart - all these things can help.
Once two fingers are inside, and her ass feels wet or well-lubed, she is ready. When she's in the midst of pleasure, pull out from her pussy and press the head of your cock against her tight asshole. Now, she should push her upper body up off the bed, so she's resting on her palms rather than her elbows or with her head in the mattress. Her head should really be higher in the air than her ass.
Now, once she's ready, make sure you are REALLY REALLY HARD. If you're only semi hard, put it back in her pussy and start fucking her again, making yourself feel good, until your cock is nice and erect. Do whatever it takes to get really hard. To know you're really hard, you should feel like you're ready to cum. When you are so aroused that you are close to orgasm, that's when you are at maximum hardness, and that's when you can slide it right into her ass without it bending or hurting her.
ONCE YOUR COCK IS AT FULL HARDNESS and ONLY THEN, start pressing the head into the hole. Press a little harder. Hold your cock, and make sure it's going in straight, into the hole. If she's lubed and you're very very hard as a rock, it should slide right in. It is very important that you are aiming it right at the hole, and pushing it forwards into the hole. If you are coming at an angle, it may be painful for her. If you are fully hard, and you come straight towards the hole, and do it slowly, and inch it in there - it should not hurt her at all. If you have to force it, you might want to stop and try the other stuff some more. In general, it takes at least 15 minutes to get warmed up for enjoyable anal. At least. But often a lot longer.
When you slide it in, if it goes easily, you should feel it "pop" in there as it gets past the outer ring. it will be very very tight and will feel different from her pussy. Not necessarily better, just different. Start sliding in and out of her slowly, straight lines, no gyrations.
Once you're fucking her at a constant rhythm, and she's starting to enjoy it, you can fuck her harder. You can grab her ass and really start pounding it. If she wants you to. JUST MAKE SURE THAT YOU DON'T SLIP OUT OF HER. Maintain control over it, otherwise, if you slip out and slam into her ass without being inside, you could really hurt her or yourself. So with each stroke, don't pull out all the way.
When she's really into it, you can fuck her ass basically as if it were a pussy. Once she's into it, it doesn't matter if you pop out because (with care) you can slide right back in without any pain. Once she's cumming, do it as hard and in any way that you want. After five or ten minutes of it, you should even be able to change positions if you want to.
Other good anal positions: woman on top, facing you. Doggy style (her legs have to be REALLY far back. Missionary pretzel (her legs behind her head exposing her ass to you). There's also the tricky "piledriver" where she lays on her back and gymnastically brings her legs over to touch the ground near her head, and you get over the top of her and position your cock against her upturned ass and just sink it down into her. Just like they do in the porn movies. Wow.
If she's not enjoying it much, she should play with her clitty, or put a few fingers in her pussy to simulate double penetration. it's also good to use toys (dildos for her pussy hole and vibrators for her clit) to improve analcourse. There's also the option of using a vibrator in her ass while fucking her pussy before you switch and do her backdoor. These are all very good options for getting her ready for anal.
Good luck, my friend. Remember, be gentle, take it nice and slow... really slow... and make sure you're rock hard before you try and slide it in her ass. This should be very, very enjoyable for both of you - if it is even slightly painful or uncomfortable for her, you are doing it wrong.
I hope this answer helps you and I hope you come back to me in the future and let me know how this advice has helped you, and how things are going. Also, please take a second to rate me as an expert. Bear in mind this is a free service, and we are doing our best to help you just because we want to.
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