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You are here: Experts > Teens > High School Life > High School Life > Social Boycott
Expert: Jeanette A - 11/1/2009
Question
I need to know something that's nagging me...
Suppose you had a gargantuan argument with someone, a distant acquaintance, not a friend. The subject of the argument is irrelevant, who started is irrelevant, whose fault it is is irrelevant. All that remains to be noted is that things can *never* work out between the two of you again, and you are disgusted and infuriated with that person.
In a bid for revenge, would you go so far as to turn your acquaintances against that person, and urge them to boycott him/her? Regardless of the fact that *nothing* ever went wrong wrong between your acquaintances and that person? Regardless of the fact that s/he *never* gave them a reason to dislike him/her, and even after his/her relationship with you has soured, they have nothing to fear from him/her? Regardless of the fact that s/he hardly even interacted with most of your acquaintances (let alone fight with them), and many in fact were good friends with him/her?
If you knew for certain that your acquaintances would listen to what you said, regardless of what relationship they shared with him/her, would you use that power and influence to make them boycott him/her?
Please help out...
Answer
Hello Pixie,
My advice is NO. This advice could/could not be irrelevant depending on whether or not you are actually that spiteful.
Why would you go to such extreme lengths to get your acquaintances to dislike this person lets give him a name...Bob. If the problem was between you and Bob you needn't include your friends as they do not have a place in this relation you have with Bob. Its personal not social. Let me just clarify that.
You seem much more mature than that and I am surprised you wouldn't prefer to focus all your thoughts and energy into something more proactive rather than reactive. So Bob did something wrong by you - confront Bob. Solve the problem, don't make a problem within a problem - you don't get very far with that.
Another point - power. Power over what? Do you actually think people are robots and they can be programmed into doing as you say? This isn't a game there are peoples feelings on the line and I think when you start thinking about how other people will feel people will think of how you feel. What you sow is what you reap.
Let me end with one thing...say you had the 'power' to change your 'friends' thoughts and turn them against Bob. How do you think your 'friends' will react or feel when they know you planned this all along just so everyone hates Bob...do you think you will gain trust and future friendship with these 'friends'. I can answer that for you - No. Instead they will pity you and you will not feel so powerful after all because what comes around goes around. Stop the cycle before karma smacks you in the face.
Thats my opinion and sorry if I come across harsh but truth is always hard to take in at first but it becomes more gentle over the days, weeks and years. Goodluck with your decision - hope you make the right one, one not to regret!
Warm Regards,
Jeanette
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