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High School Life/I used to be an outgoing person and now I barely go out?


hello my name is isabella and i'm in 9th grade. When i was in 7th grade, i used to have a lot of "friends" and I used to love going out. to the movies, beach, sleepovers, parties, dance etc. I never used to care about what people thought about me either. In 8th grade  my whole class used to laugh at me because I couldn't dance and since then i became really insecure about everything that people said about me. if i can't do something and people laugh at me, i feel like a loser and I'm afraid to try again because I'm afraid they'd make fun of me. I stopped talking to all those people from 7th grade because i realized they weren't really my friend but just attention seeking people that think they're cool. Right now i only have 2 close friends. they're really nice and they're honest with me. But after i began to take things seriously, i lost the motivation to do a lot of things. i barely go out now. If my friends don't invite me, i don't even make the effort to go out by myself. its been almost 2 months that i haven't go out. i don't go to dance parties anymore because I'm so insecure about the way i dance after all the opinions i heard when i was in 8th grade.. i feel like I'm becoming such an unsocial person. How can i change this? Why did i become like this? I love going out but i just don't know how to start again. Help please! thanks in advance :)

Hi Isabella!

I know how you feel, I've often felt the same way, pretty much everybody has.  But notice I said, "felt" and not "feel."  This is because it was only a phase I went through, the same phase that everybody goes through at some point!

It seems like all that's lacking is your confidence, but don't worry, that'll come back soon!  We all go through periods in our life where we feel unsure of ourselves or depressed, we stop going out/socializing/etc, but as long as you have the will to do those things, you'll definitely be fine.  If you didn't go out and had no desire to go out, that'd be a different story, but it seems like the only thing holding you back is nervousness at getting laughed at a little.

Believe me, I know how intimidating it can be to face people when you're not sure how they view you.  I'm working as a TA this semester at University, and twice a week I have to go in front of a class full of students my age and pretend that I know the subject a lot better than them.  I can tell some of them are unsure of me, but I just force myself to do it.  And you can do it too.     Take as much time as you need to psyche yourself up and get up your confidence, and then just tell your friends that you're bored and would like to go out more.  The more events you go to with them, the more friends you'll gain, and the more you'll end up going out.

The key is confidence.  You'll get it eventually even if you do nothing, but you can try and speed the process along by just gritting your teeth and throwing yourself into an unfamiliar situation.  Remember, the worst scenario is that you get laughed at a little, and while I know it can suck a little, there are much worse things that can happen to you!

I wish you all the best and let me know how it goes! =)


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I began this profile in 2007 after a bad breakup with my girlfriend at the time. I was a junior in high school then and the breakup left me pretty heartbroken. I found a reprieve in offering advice to others experiencing similar high school traumas and I began writing here. Almost eight years later and I am still a part of AllExperts. Since then I have gone to university, moved to China, begun working an actual job, and experienced many more dramas. I have had wonderful friends who have supported me through all of it, and I am happy to give back whatever I can. Feel free to send me a private or public message and I will respond as soon as I can =)


I have been working for AllExperts for over eight years and have answered over 400 questions to date.

Bachelor of Arts.

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