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High School Life/Friendship, possibly jealous


Hi my name is Carrie, I am 16 years old and a junior in high school. My friendship issue has been going on since freshman year.

Here is some background:
One of my best friends Holly and I have been since 1st grade. Our families know each other really well. We used to do everything together from going on vacation to coming to family parties. Nothing could separate us, we were attached by the hip.

the issue:
So freshman year Holly and I had no classes together not even lunch which stunk but we had the bus together. Anyways This girl named Audrey came into the picture. Holly and her has the same math class and lunch. At first Holly did not like her because she would make fun of her and put her down all the time. But as time went on Holly became closer and closer with her. One day Audrey asked Holly if she wanted to be a football manager with her, Holly of course agreed. So that's how Holly and Audrey's friendship started. They have now been managing football for 3 years. To this day Audrey still puts Holly down but she does not even seem to care. The two of them hang out all the time. Every time I try to ask to hang holly shoots it down with some excuse. I feel like I am the only one trying in this friendship. We didn't even get homecoming pictures together this past year. And to make things even worse Audrey does not like me one bit.

I just need help. I have not told Holly any of this because I am afraid it will push her even farther away.

Thank you, Carrie

Hi Carrie,

I'm sorry, I know how you feel, and it's pretty hard to try and force someone to be friends with you if they aren't trying themselves. Many people just have a personality that likes to be slightly abused (I see this all the time in relationships- men or women who like to be talked down to by their partners). I'm not making any moral judgments on it one way or the other, but some people legitimately like relationships (friendly or romantic) where they are talked down to by their partner.

The most important thing is to see if she's happy. Does she seem happy to you?

Honestly, I think that the best way to resolve these issues is by confronting them head on. The worst part of the deterioration of anything (friendship, relationship, etc.) is the "not knowing" aspect. You don't necessarily need to come right out and tell her how you feel about Audrey, but you could just mention to her that you feel like you don't hang out anymore and that you'd like to if she still wants to.

After that, the ball is in her court. Sometimes these things just don't work out sadly, and all you can do is try. I recommend speaking to her casually about your friendship (don't even mention Audrey at all). Tell her you'd still like to be friends. Don't seem desperate or clingy, just be yourself.

I hope everything works out! Friendships move so quickly in high school, but the good ones last so don't worry.

Best regards,

High School Life

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I began this profile in 2007 after a bad breakup with my girlfriend at the time. I was a junior in high school then and the breakup left me pretty heartbroken. I found a reprieve in offering advice to others experiencing similar high school traumas and I began writing here. Almost eight years later and I am still a part of AllExperts. Since then I have gone to university, moved to China, begun working an actual job, and experienced many more dramas. I have had wonderful friends who have supported me through all of it, and I am happy to give back whatever I can. Feel free to send me a private or public message and I will respond as soon as I can =)


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