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Hindus/Selfishness Vs Selflessness


Hi Sir,

How to be Selfless with people and at the same time unbounded? When we are Selfless & Sattwic, people start expecting more from us and making us bound with them. This is true with friends, relatives and so on. How to proceed an unattached life when we are Selfless? Being with Sattiwic quality, how can we avoid others from spoiling our inner peace by binding us into their commitments? Should we escape from them or Still we must be sattwic & selfless and go by their requirements? I am confused..Please advise what's the balance...whom to help and whom not to help..and how to behave with people...

Thank you very much..
Your advise is always appreciated...


Dear Vimal,

Selfishness is a virtue. Selflessness is hypocritical. ONLY enlightened people can be selfless. Until enlightenment all people ARE selfish and there is nothing wrong about it. Unless you take care of yourself, you are not capable of helping others. Therefore, accept that you are selfish and take care of yourself. After taking care of yourself you should help others.

It is like the announcement made in aircraft. 'When the oxygen masks falls, you grab and use it for you BEFORE attempting to help your child'. Selflessness should be practiced only after meeting the selfish requirements.

So my first suggestion is stop attempting to be selfless. Help others only if it gives you unlimited and unbounded happiness. Like a mother who sacrifices all are comforts for the sake of the child. Mother does not complain. On the other hand she is so happy, that she could do so much to meet the demands of the child. You should not help anyone unless it brings you such unlimited joy.

Other's requirements are other's requirements and not yours. When it becomes yours, be selfish and fulfill them. Else politely refuse the requests without hurting them. At the same time do not encourage them to come back to you with more requests. You should indirectly make it clear to everyone you live primarily for yourself and not for them.

This is true even between husband and wife. An husband loves his wife because she brings him happiness. Therefore the love for the spouse is always selfish. There is no selfless love (except in case of enlightened people who love everyone equally and unconditionally)

Thanks for asking this important question.

If you need more clarifications, please do ask.

Best wishes,
Raja Subramaniyan  


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Raja Subramaniyan


Explanation based on Vedanta / Gita which will answer any questions on life leading to Joyful Living


25 years of spiritual studies and written following text books. Gita for Joyful Living ( Path to Joyful Living - I based on Jeeva Yatra ( ) Path to Joyful Living - II based on Sadhana Panchakam( ) Joyful Living based on Panchadashi ( ) Parama Ragasiyam (Tamil) based on Brahma Sutra (


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