QUESTION: Hope I will get some good advice from u, I am a bid devotee of god ragavendra and belong to brahmin family, I think everything happens according to is wish, I fell in love with a low caste girl and expressed my love, she did not accept first, later after few months destiny brought us together we stayed in same place far away from our home town and she started to fall in love , I thought she is very much practical and the day came when I mother asked me to marry a girl of her choice, my lover started to fight and tried to commit suicide only then I came to know that how much she loves me and can't leave without me, I tried to convince my mother but she did agree and  even my mother tried to commit suicide so to save my mother I left the girl knowingly that she is mad on me used some abused words was not able to save her when she was dieing by taking poison, I got engaged with other girl , later came to know that the girl with whom my marriage his fixed is not a virgin and got abortion before, but I accepted her as I thought its the punishment given by god since I spoiled my lover life,, to be more precise, I have touched my lover private part and know kissed her many times, i really thought that my lover will take it as casual but she told I am not like others girls and. Now she  lost her life, I feel guilty but at the same time I want to see my mother happy so I left her, but still pray to god daily and I think god punished me and at least in next birth of will be with her, will this happen can I feel that I got punished for my sins, please help me


Thank you for your message.

Doing whatever you wish and blaming God is wrong-headed. You alone are responsible for your actions as long as you retain the sense of doer-ship. God does not punish anyone. Whatever karma you have created can only by countered by righteous actions or by God-realization, which burns all karma to ashes, as Sri Krishna says in the Bhagavad-Gita 4:37.

There is nothing to be gained by excessively grieving for the past. You should live your life now in an exemplary way. Follow the instructions of your Guru, and make God-realization the goal of your life. Do as much japa as you can, for as Holy Mother, Sri Sarada Devi said, taking the Name of God can ameliorate evil karma.

Best wishes,

Brother William

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank you for yourreply sir, but still i want to know whether its my fault or the girls fault as i told her before itself i cant marry her , instead of that who told her to show more affection on me and take me so seriously in her life

Dear KVS,

Thank you for your follow-up question.

You both are responsible for your own actions, you for involving yourself with a low-caste girl you had no intention of marrying, and she for involving herself with a man who told her he wouldn't marry her. Your actions speak louder than words. When you make love to a woman, you are her lover, and no words to the contrary will be convincing. A brahman should behave better.

The lesson is that sex is never casual and can never be casual because deep feelings get aroused in that intimate act. Having sex with a girl is traditionally one form of marriage, gandharva vivaha, according to Hindu law, no matter what you told the girl or your mother.

Threats of suicide are attempts at emotional blackmail. A person who commits suicide is responsible for his/her own actions, regardless of the provocation.

Best wishes,

Brother William


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William Schindler, a.k.a. Brother William


I can answer questions about Vedanta philosophy, Patanjali Yoga philosophy and practice, Tantra, Bhagavad-Gita, Upanishads, Vivekachudamani (Shankara`s Crest-jewel of Spritual Discrimination), Advaita (non-dualism), the Ramakrishna-Vivekananda tradition, Goddess worship, meditation practice, Hindu monasticism (sannyasa), and Sanskrit.


I've been studying and practicing Vedanta and Tantra since 1969.

I'm the founder and spiritual director of Ashram West, a gay spiritual community based on traditional Hindu Tantra. I have been a member of the Vedanta Society of Southern California since 1969.


I hold a B.A. in Sanskrit (UC Berkeley 1975) and an M.A. in clinical psychology (Antioch University 1986).

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