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Hindus/Love marriage Vs Arranged marriage


sir, what one should choose between love marriage and arrange marriage?

Dear Sushant,

It is popularly believed that one gets married in order to be happy. This is not true. Most people feel that they were more happy and free before marriage (whether Love or Arranged). The real purpose of getting married is to find a way to live happily. Marriage is an arrangement that provides an opportunity and a life long companion. Together the couple will learn to live happily.

Prior to marriage, I, ME, MINE and such self centered thoughts dominate a person's mind. After marriage, this I and ME should expand to include the life partner. Then the I and ME will extend to cover the children.... In the process the couple is expected to learn to include the whole world in the words I, ME and MINE. If this is achieved life will be joyful.

Love Marriage basically means 'I marry this person because I LIKE THIS person'. This is fundamentally wrong. One is NOT supposed to do what one likes. One is supposed to do what is RIGHT. Like and Dislike are within the domain of MIND. RIGHT and WRONG are within the domain of INTELLIGENCE.

Arranged Marriage is arranged by the elders (a vast pool of experience/intelligence) based on many factors with the ultimate objective of finding the RIGHT PARTNER. In arranged marriage, marriage is between two families and the couple is merely the points of connection. Because of such stronger bond we can expect it to last for the life time.

If you chooses to marry because you like a particular person, tomorrow WITHOUT EXCEPTION your mind will change. A day will come when you do not like her. So should you divorce? Marriage is not similar to shopping for dress. You may buy a dress because you like it. If you do not like it on a future date, you can dispose it. But marriage SHOULD last for the life time. So whether one LIKES or DISLIKES now (the present moment) is NOT a criteria to make a decision on marriage.

Therefore, one should always choose Arranged Marriage and NEVER choose Love Marriage, IF there is a choice. In case of many love marriages there is no choice/debate/discussion. People who fall in love (function of the mind) do not think (function of the intelligence) and end up getting married with or without the consent of the elders.

I am not saying all Love Marriages will always be a failure. If the girl does not do anything to attract the boy (like wearing makeup/perfume etc) and if the boy does not do anything to impress the girl (buying gifts, taking her to restaurants etc) and they end up getting married, their marriage will be successful.

Thanks for asking this important question. If you need more clarifications please do not hesitate to ask.

Best wishes,
Raja Subramaniyan


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Raja Subramaniyan


Explanation based on Vedanta / Gita which will answer any questions on life leading to Joyful Living


25 years of spiritual studies and written following text books. Gita for Joyful Living ( Path to Joyful Living - I based on Jeeva Yatra ( ) Path to Joyful Living - II based on Sadhana Panchakam( ) Joyful Living based on Panchadashi ( ) Parama Ragasiyam (Tamil) based on Brahma Sutra (


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