QUESTION: A boy loves a girl knowing she belongs to lower caste, elder to her, he is with the girl for around 6 years, has forcefully  kissed her,touched her breast , has roamed with her, eaten the things prepared by her, but when it came to marriage, he asked do you remember which caste u belong to, and you are elder to me, just for roaming with you how can i marry you, y should i marry you  i haven't slept with you,what will the society tell if i marry you, if we marry we should be husband and wife only in room not outside. can these questions be asked by a boy to a girl.

ANSWER: Dear Sridevi,

Thank you for your question.

Marriage, especially among Hindus, can be a complicated affair that involves not only the persons to be married but their families as well. Many factors should be considered including parental approval, social status, etc.

Your question is not "Can these questions be asked..." but should they be asked. They should be asked, if at all, before there is touching and kissing and the sharing of food. Afterward, it feels rude and selfish.

People do rude and selfish things sometimes. That is why our scriptures enjoin us to be very careful about with whom we form intimate bonds. When people treat us badly, and our hearts ache, that is a perfect opportunity to remember that life is short and uncertain. There is no guarantee of happiness for anyone in this world. The Goal of human life is God- Self-Realization. Let painful lessons prompt you to turn your mind toward God/dess. Ultimately, that is the only way to lasting happiness.

Best wishes,

Brother William

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thankyou for your reply sir, u tell me to forgive him for what the things he did to me, not only he asked even the girl whom he is  getting married asked the same question to me

Dear Sridevi,

Thank you for your follow-up question.

Please reread my response again carefully. I did not tell you to forgive anyone. That is up to you, of course. Real forgiveness is a blessing to the one who forgives, but it might take time for genuine forgiveness to occur, if you ever do forgive.

What I recommended is that you turn your mind toward God/dess, in whom alone you will find ultimate peace. The more you dwell on how badly you have been treated, the more unhappy you become. Be aware of the blessings you enjoy in your life, and be grateful for those.

Anyone who wrongs another will suffer in this life or another. That is the law of karma.

Best wishes,

Brother William


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William Schindler, a.k.a. Brother William


I can answer questions about Vedanta philosophy, Patanjali Yoga philosophy and practice, Tantra, Bhagavad-Gita, Upanishads, Vivekachudamani (Shankara`s Crest-jewel of Spritual Discrimination), Advaita (non-dualism), the Ramakrishna-Vivekananda tradition, Goddess worship, meditation practice, Hindu monasticism (sannyasa), and Sanskrit.


I've been studying and practicing Vedanta and Tantra since 1969.

I'm the founder and spiritual director of Ashram West, a gay spiritual community based on traditional Hindu Tantra. I have been a member of the Vedanta Society of Southern California since 1969.


I hold a B.A. in Sanskrit (UC Berkeley 1975) and an M.A. in clinical psychology (Antioch University 1986).

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