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Hindus/love or mother


QUESTION: Morning Sir,
I don't know from where to start but will try to explain in a short way, i belong to higher caste family, and fell in love with a lower caste girl, but when i proposed her i told that i cant marry you, she shouted at me but later fate brought us together she fell in love with me but she took it very serious, we were almost together for 2 years, but when time came my mother came to know this matter and forced me to marry a girl of her wish , she told if u marry your lover you should leave my home and go with her, i was left out with no other option and agreed to marry the girl whom my mother told, in the mean time my lover started to fight with me i told her clearly that i cant marry you , even asked its not possible to marry as society will curse us, u belong to lower caste and you are elder to me , more over we did have physical relationship, after this she went into depression and now i am not in contact with her, but feel guilty whether i spoiled her life, i believe in god a lot so everything happens according to god wish whether i should be blamed or god and  i  should lead happy with my wife since i got married. Please suggest me as i am not responsible for this, i am bit practical so want to take everything as fate. when it came girl or mother i selected mother, as i am the only person to do rituals or my parents i was not having any other option so i left her, is that right what i did

ANSWER: Dear Patel,

Thank you for your question.

Hindus do not believe in "fate." We believe karma, i.e., actions and their results, determine the course of our lives. You made choices that have lead to unpleasant consequences, as did your lover. You both have to live with the consequences.

Although some believe karma theory is absolute, meaning, there is no escape from the consequences of your behaviors, Holy Mother Sri Sarada Devi, taught that japa, repeating the Name of God/dess, can soften the effects of bad karma. If you would have lost a limb, you might only get a scratch.  

Karma theory is empowering, unlike the belief in fate, because whatever actions you did that got you into this mess, better choices from now on can improve. Take responsibility for your choices. Never harm others and tell the truth.

Best wishes,

Brother William

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QUESTION: i agree sir, but my mother brought up me with lots or hardwork, how can i leave her alone and go with the girl , more over that girl did help me when my family was in trouble and did take care of me from childhood, i came to this world because of my mother, i love her more than any thing  on this world,cant leave her alone thats why left the girl for sake of my mother.

ANSWER: Dear Patel,

Thank you for your follow-up question.

It seems you have answered your own question. Only you can decide what path to follow now. Either choice will hurt someone's feelings. You must decide which path produces the least harm over time.

Best wishes,

Brother William

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thank you for your reply , your so kind of u sir, but the thing is the girl committed suicide and she is no more alive now . i feel very much guilty, what shall i do. please advice

Dear Patel,

Thank you for your follow-up question.

It is sad the girl killed herself. Suicide solves nothing. One reaps the results of actions here and after death.

When such shocks come in life, they remind us that human life is fleeting and precarious, "like a drop of water poised on a lotus leaf." No one knows when the moment of death will come.

When we realize how fragile and therefore how precious our lives are, we may consider the real Goal of life, which God- or Self-Realization. Let the pain of your experiences teach you to live a moral life henceforth, and direct your mind to God/dess as much as possible. You can do puja for the peace of the dead girl. There is nothing more to be done about her.

Devote some time each day to puja, holy reading (pāṭh), repetition of the Holy Name (jap), and meditation (dhyān). These are the pillars of Hindu religious life. Through the practice of purity and tapas, austerity, you will burn away the impurities of your mind and heart that prevent you from seeing Truth clearly. Serve your mother and family as embodiments of God/dess. Know that no one is yours forever in this world, and keep your mind in God/dess, as a rich man thinks always about his treasures and a chaste wife always thinks of her husband.

"The Infinite does not care about anyone's sin or good deeds. Knowledge is covered by ignorance; by that people are deluded." Bhagavad-Gita (5:15)

Spiritual practice removes the ignorance that covers the Truth of the Self. Through the grace of God/dess you will attain peace and bring blessings to yourself and to all around you.

Best wishes,

Brother William  


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William Schindler, a.k.a. Brother William


I can answer questions about Vedanta philosophy, Patanjali Yoga philosophy and practice, Tantra, Bhagavad-Gita, Upanishads, Vivekachudamani (Shankara`s Crest-jewel of Spritual Discrimination), Advaita (non-dualism), the Ramakrishna-Vivekananda tradition, Goddess worship, meditation practice, Hindu monasticism (sannyasa), and Sanskrit.


I've been studying and practicing Vedanta and Tantra since 1969.

I'm the founder and spiritual director of Ashram West, a gay spiritual community based on traditional Hindu Tantra. I have been a member of the Vedanta Society of Southern California since 1969.


I hold a B.A. in Sanskrit (UC Berkeley 1975) and an M.A. in clinical psychology (Antioch University 1986).

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