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.i know a girl from past 8 years one day i proposed her she blasted me badly as i told her i love you but i will not marry you, she just rejected by telling if either one gets serious in this relationship, it will be a burden life long so lets be friends for ever. after few months fate brought us together in a different place where we met up daily and without her knowledge she fell in love with me deeply, and even i started to love her, but the situation raised where my mother forced me for my marriage as my elder brother was ready to marry anyone, i just told the things that my parents are arranging for my marriage, only after that i came to know that she  was very  much in love with me and cant live without me, even she committed suicide but somehow her friends saved her, i then spoke with my parents but they chased me out of home and told me to decide between mother and girl. the girl almost gone mad and my mother got heart attack and my mom tried to commit suicide, more over my relatives requested me to take care of my mother since she brought up without  my dad so i dont want to go against my mother and more importantly i belong to higher caste, if i marry the girl whom i love i will not be allowed to do rituals for my parents and will not be allowed into the temple, so  married the girl whom my mother saw. now the girl whom i loved has gone to depression and due to consumption of tablets had some health problems. i just feel that i am the reason for her condition. what shall i do now so that she recovers form depression and get well soon.

Dear Shubash,

Thank you for your question.

Clinical depression, one of the symptoms of which is thoughts of suicide, is a serious medical condition that requires a medical intervention. This girl should seek medical help, or if she cannot, her family or friends should help her. She may need to be hospitalized if she is actively suicidal.

Once her condition is stabilized, she may need months or more of psychotherapy to help her through her grief.

It might be best for you both to avoid further contact, since seeing you is likely to make her sad, and you might become confused. If you wish to help her, do puja for her peace of mind, and then turn your attention back to your family duties.

True love does not threaten anyone with suicide. People often say, "I love you," when what they really mean is, "I desire you." They are very different things. Do not let the mythologies of so-called romantic love delude you. True love develops over time with deep knowledge of a person and respect for their virtues. True love finds joy in the joy of another.

Best wishes,

Brother William


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William Schindler, a.k.a. Brother William


I can answer questions about Vedanta philosophy, Patanjali Yoga philosophy and practice, Tantra, Bhagavad-Gita, Upanishads, Vivekachudamani (Shankara`s Crest-jewel of Spritual Discrimination), Advaita (non-dualism), the Ramakrishna-Vivekananda tradition, Goddess worship, meditation practice, Hindu monasticism (sannyasa), and Sanskrit.


I've been studying and practicing Vedanta and Tantra since 1969.

I'm the founder and spiritual director of Ashram West, a gay spiritual community based on traditional Hindu Tantra. I have been a member of the Vedanta Society of Southern California since 1969.


I hold a B.A. in Sanskrit (UC Berkeley 1975) and an M.A. in clinical psychology (Antioch University 1986).

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