I was in love with a girl of other caste ( but told her clearly i will not marry you when proposed) she rejected later fate made us to stay together she started to love me, but when my mother arranged for my marriage, she started to behave in a different way, nearly fought for 3 months that she cant live without me, and tried to commit suicide, only after that i came to know that she loved me too much more than her parents, i fought with my mother but no use and arranged a marriage with a girl of my own caste, i was not able to go against my mother as she brought me up without my father and she( my mother) also tried to commit suicide but i saved her and agreed to marry the girl whom y mother saw, after my marriage i came to know that the girl whom i loved has gone mad and admitted in mental hospital and the girl whom i married is not that much educated and not a virgin, so i felt this is the punishment for my sin done to other girl, so let me give life for this girl and married her, but still i feel bad of my life , is that correct what i did, i think god has given me some punishment for my sin, will my sin be vanished .
I am happy that you felt the guilt and had the courage to express yourself.
While I appreciate your affiliation for your mother. But this is to no excuse to punish and desert your love.
You had no say about, who would be your parents. But you had a choice about your spouse. You did not exercise that. besides, you destroyed life of another person, for no fault of her.
Your mother is not going to be with you for rest of your life. But your love, your wife is going to be with you.
I believe that you are a Christian, from your name. Then where was the caste factor?
I feel that you should still try to reach out to your love and give her attention so that she can spend rest of her days/months peacefully.
Choice is yours, your very own