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To  describe my present problem , I need to give some short description about my past life. I am really felling ashamed of myself by telling all these, but since I am seeking  help I must have to confess.
It is  about my  sin done in young age. many years before I was seriously addicted in watching porn in Internet and masturbation regularly. But each time I did these nasty activities, I felt myself guilty and unholy  and considered all these as sinful act. A thought of getting punished by God always haunt me.
And in effect of this thought I used to take bath/ shower  for long time with soap and holy  water as Gangajal. Wash my hands and bodies to remove any unholy traces (which is completely mental)
But considering/assuming these are as sin( watching porn and masturbate)  , I couldn't resist myself and did this above activities almost every day for many years.
But one day I decided to quit from all these and then succeeded by controlling my minds. Practiced to hate porn and all these sinful acts what I had done in last few years From that time I never watched porn and never masturbate.
And from that time I am facing my current problem for which I am asking for your help.
Now I am affected severely by " Washing Mania". Now a days I am really obsessed about my sacredness. And for that reason tend to bath or take shower for any such issue which I assumed as unholy.
Now a day's sex, porn, any vulgar picture irritates me a lot.
If  I notice/know  that someone is  watching  porn film or nasty images or do sexual intercourse , I try to avoid them. And if I have to get in contact to that person , physically ( like shake hands /hugs/touch) , I found myself unholy. Then I have no other choice but getting a long bath, Use Gangajal, until assure myself sacred and clean.
In present world , I have found that many people watches porn. It is not possible for any people to avoid each of them and the contact.
Specially , in my workplace , I know many of my co-workers watch porn film, involve in sexual activities inside the office. It is completely impossible to avoid them. Hence I have to take bath each day after returning at home, even in winter. That have make me sick  physically.  
I know many people who regularly watch porn film and involved in sinful  sexual activities and they are very successful  in life in respect to job, education and family.
Being a highly qualified person  , I am not a successful person in respect to my family background, and relatives. I am doing a ordinary job. I have to struggle a lot to get small success in life. I always scared about God punishment for the sin I have done in young age.
Though, I know this washing mania is a completely mental disease or disorder, yet I can't get rid of this washing mania.
Please guide me in light of Spirituality (Bhagbat Geeta, Veda) so that I can overcome my mental blockage and live a normal life.

Dear Jeet Sandal,

Thank you for your question.

The  Bhagavad-Gita (5:15) says: "The Infinite doesn't care about anyone's sin or good deeds. Knowledge is covered by ignorance; by that people are deluded."  Therefore, there is no question of God punishing you for any supposed sin.

Furthermore, Swami Vivekananda said: "You are children of Immortal Bliss...It is a sin to call a man a sinner." You should rather affirm the purity of the Atman (Self) and strive to live up to that ideal. Your essence is Pure Consciousness, and nothing can taint that.

Notions of sin and virtue are promulgated to show people how to live according to Dharma. But Hindu Dharma has long been accepting of human sexuality as a normal, natural part of human life. Even some temples are covered with naked figures engaged in various sexual positions.

Christian missionaries brought their foreign notions of sexual sin to India, and Indian intellectuals educated in missionary schools largely picked up those notions that have continued to influence Indian life today.

I see two issues here: One is your unfounded worry about punishment for past actions you thought were "sinful." Why? Because they gave you pleasure? Utter nonsense. While obsessive masturbation and consumption of pornography can interfere with a healthy life, there is nothing inherently sinful in these. When judging something sinful, consider if itó1. Hurts someone; or 2. Requires dishonesty.

However, the other issue is obsessive-compulsive disorder. This is a psychiatric diagnosis, and only a qualified mental-health practitioner can diagnose you. From your description, it sounds to me you might be suffering from this disorder. There is effective medication to help with this, but you will have to consult a medical doctor or ideally a psychiatrist to get this medication.

Best wishes,

Brother William  


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William Schindler, a.k.a. Brother William


I can answer questions about Vedanta philosophy, Patanjali Yoga philosophy and practice, Tantra, Bhagavad-Gita, Upanishads, Vivekachudamani (Shankara`s Crest-jewel of Spritual Discrimination), Advaita (non-dualism), the Ramakrishna-Vivekananda tradition, Goddess worship, meditation practice, Hindu monasticism (sannyasa), and Sanskrit.


I've been studying and practicing Vedanta and Tantra since 1969.

I'm the founder and spiritual director of Ashram West, a gay spiritual community based on traditional Hindu Tantra. I have been a member of the Vedanta Society of Southern California since 1969.


I hold a B.A. in Sanskrit (UC Berkeley 1975) and an M.A. in clinical psychology (Antioch University 1986).

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