Expert: Dr. V. Siva Prasad - 8/16/2007

Question
What is the view on sex before marriage in Hinduism?

What is the view on being intoxicated in a club dancing up close and dirty with the opposite sex, and then proceeding to do something explicitly sexual when coming home with them.

If a couple were to have sex before marriage what would be the consequences?

What is the view on oral sex/masturbation between each other before marriage in Hinduism and also after marriage?

(please provide quotes from religious books too)

Answer
Hinduism's moral traditions about premarital sex
are rooted in its concept of the stages of life.
One of these stages is the life of the celibate
student (Brahma Charya), which precedes the stage
of the married householder (Grihasta). Celibacy is
considered the appropriate behavior for both male
and female students (or unmarried singles who have
left school). A person receives good Karma if he
follows the stages of life (four Ashramas).

Sexual relationship and begetting children form
part of the duty (Dharma). In many respects the
place of sex for Hindus is idealised by the gods.
The gods also demonstrate what an ideal
relationship with one's husband/wife should be.
For example, the gods Shiva and Parvarti are often
held up as the ideal couple. Women will often pray
for a husband like Shiva and follow Parvarti's
patient example in waiting for one to come along.
It is said that Parvarti waited sixteen years
until she met Lord Siva. Soon after seeing him,
she felt amourus. Kama shot arrows of arousal on
Lord Siva to unite them. But Lord Siva opened his
third eye and burnt Kama to ashes. The two waited
until King Himavan took the decision to perform
their marriage.

The material world is not about enjoyment.
According to Patanjali's Yoga-sutra (2.15), the
wise understand that sense pleasure begets
suffering either as a direct consequence
(parinama), in the form of anticipation (tapa) of
its inevitable loss, or in the form of new craving
(samskara) for sense pleasure that arises from
impressions of it imbedded in the mind. Thus sense
pleasure is mixed with suffering in all three
phases of time.

In Bhagavad Gita (7.11), Krsna also identifies
himself with love that is in accordance with
scriptural law. While love by nature is lawless,
Krsna advocates the taming of material love. The
effect of this is the awakening of the soul and
its prospect for love on the spiritual plane, real
love arising out of self-sacrifice. Although love
is lawless, in material life its unbridled pursuit
amounts to ignoring obvious laws of nature, which
in the least render such love unenduring.
Scripture points this out and advocates that
material love be redirected in order that it be
fullfilled. When love is fully spiritualized, it
transcends scripture.

Manu Dharma Sastra says "Runa anubandha rupenam
pasu patni suta aalaya". The members of the family
are related to each other through several births.
The Hindu Sastra dictum "Janma janma bandham" also
indicates the same thing. This family sentiment is
the life thread of Hindutwa. Adolescents should
not hastened to have premarital sex. Elders will
have the cool intellect to judge who will be the
soul mates.

Once the pair gets married, all the techniques of
sex like oral pleasures, described in Kama Sutra,
can be used.