Expert: Grant Hudson - 4/20/2009

Question
Hi I'm Rhiya, I'm 15 and i like to write sonnets :)
This is one that i wrote:

(Anti)Sonnet 08 - Beneath Your Virtual Guise
Rise from eternal hibernation,
From beneath the Earth where your mind wanders.
Basking in glorious damnation.
Awaiting the awakening thunders
Which will plunge you into dark predators
Who manifested by the inwards eye
Defy the foundations of nature’s laws
Trapped in a realm of shadows, you ask why:
You must fulfil your unfortunate fate,
When you struggle to escape your confines.
With empowering knowledge consumed by hate,
Longing for its liberty your soul pines.
You lurk deluded by a virtual guise,
Reality a bed of woven lies

Please let me know what you think and how my writing can be improved. I hope to write professionally in the future, and am currently half way through my first fantasy novel. Do you think i have any potential (please by honest)? Please could you inform me of how i can submit my work as a young person/author in general in the UK
Thank you

Answer
Yes, you have potential! :)

I like the sonnet -it's ambitious and interesting.

I think it perhaps falters a little with the lines "Which will plunge you into dark predators
Who manifested by the inwards eye" which aren't quite as clear as the rest. Perhaps you could take a look at those. But certainly keep writing! If you'd like me to take a look at an excerpt from your novel, just let me know.

Other advice is available from my website http://www.innercirclewritersgroup.co.uk

Best wishes,

Grant