About Adrienne Expertise I can help you on how to write a book. Building suspense, creating characters that are easier to love, and creating scenes that will interest the reader are all centered around creativity. I can help you find that creativity inside of you
Experience I am an aspiring author and studied Literature for a semester in college.
Expert: Adrienne Date: 12/5/2006 Subject: my short story
Question ok well writing runs in my family and ive just written a short story and i want to know if its any good. please be honest! and if you have any suggestions feel free to add them in.
Beep beep beep! My alarm clock rings at 6:15am. As I roll off my twin sized bed with superman sheets I've had for years, I sigh,"Great another day of burned coffee and bitchy teachers..." Theres only one reason I bother getting up theses days...her... Slowly, I take heavy steps toward the bathroom. "Ugh, I look like a freaking caveman.", I say. Dropping my boxers I turn the water on as hot as it'll go. While clambering in, I hit my head on the shower faucet that had been adjusted for my little sister, Shirley. Under the scalding water I toss my mousy brown hair back and turn on the radio. "Sweet, I love this song!" I murmur to no one. All around me I smell Herbal Essences and moan like those hott chicks in the commercial while "Here Comes the Sun" blasts in my ear drums.
Knock knock knock! "Jacob! I need a shower too!" My sister yells. "Shut up Shirley! I'll be out in a minute!" I call back. Once I'm sure that I'm squeaky clean, I step out of the shower, wrap a towel arounf my waist and begin my daily ritual of flexing my pecks and gelling my hair to perfection. Not that anyone will notice, but maybe this will be the day She does...
As I head back to my room, I pass Shirley and tousle her red locks as she gives me the look of death. "What to wear..." I ask myself . Not that I have anyone to impress. I hope someday She cares how I dress. So I just toss on my AE jeans and a white T-shirt.
I grab my binder and I'm greeted with a kiss by my mom in the kitchen. "Scrambled eggs?" She asks. "Pile 'em on." I reply.
I've always thought of myself as the shy, guy next door type I guess. I'm not too good with the ladies though. Oh well next year I'll be off to college and there will surely be plenty of hott drunk girls there to mess around with. I'd rather have a relationship, but hey I'll take what I can get! I just kinda wish I could get Her.
I take a breath between shovels of eggs and slurps of coffee to look at my dads hand carved owl clock, hes more proud of that thing than he is of me..."Damn it! Its 7:00!" I announce. "Why are you always in such a hurry! School doesn't start for another hour!" My mom calls after me as I snatch my jacket and slam the garage door behind me.
I wasn't about to tell her the real reason I leave before I have to. Climbing up into my lifted pearl white Ford is a hard task but it's so worth it. It's just so damn cool! I roll on down the road until I get to the stop sign...and there she is. Right on time. Standing there waiting for the bus, She looks about 5'4, with long blonde hair, skinny frame, and a dazzling smile. God, every night I dream of that look she gives me each morning. Sort of a hair flip and a come-hither look combined. One of these days I'll get up the courage to ask her if she wants a ride, but until then I'll just have to cherish the few minutes we have together at the stop sign. I don't even know Her name! She always wears these pink rose colored mittens with ivy leaves embroidered around the edges. I call her Ivy Rose. Someday I'll kiss those perfect cherry lips and feel those mittens brush my cheek and then I'll whisper in her ear," I don't know anything about you, but I can tell your perfect for me just by those glances...I don't know why or how but I do know that I love you..." Yeah...that'll be the day my life changes for the better...
please be honest!!! and keep in mind im only 15 so i still have time to work on my skills
Thank you!
Answer I like this story, and i think a lot of other people will too. It has a sort of "Catcher in the Rye" sense to it; I'm confident that any fan of that book will love your short story.
Here is a few grammar suggestions, however:
I've always thought of myself as the shy, guy next door type I guess. I'm not too good with the ladies though. OH WELL NEXT YEAR I'LL BE OFF to college and there will surely be plenty of hott drunk girls there to mess around with. I'd rather have a relationship, but hey I'll take what I can get! I just kinda wish I could get Her. <-- in this paragraph, right after WELL, in the capitalized sentence, add a comma.
I take a breath between shovels of eggs and slurps of coffee to look at MY DADS HAND CARVED OWL CLOCK, HES MORE PROUD OF THAT THING THAN HE IS ME..."Damn it! Its 7:00!" I announce. "Why are you always in such a hurry! School doesn't start for another hour!" My mom calls after me as I snatch my jacket and slam the garage door behind me. <-------- in the capitalized sentence, i would advice changing it to: my dad's hand-carved owl clock. He's more proud of that thing than he is of me...
and start a new paragraph with the quotation: anytime you use a quote (except on certain circumstances), begin a new paragraph.
I like your story, and you have many years to pursue your writing career. Good luck, and i hope to see your name published sometime soon!!
