AboutJacky Tustain Expertise If you feel bad about yourself or lack confidence to do or try things I can help you with techniques that will help you overcome your current view of yourself and develop more confidence and better self esteem.
Experience I am a Life Coach that works with people who are struggling to work things out for themselves. By helping them tap their inner resources and presenting a fresh altenative viewpoint I help them reinvent or rediscover themselves.
Publications I regularly have articles published on various sites including Self Growth and Natural Matters. I also write a Life Coaching Newsletter. For more information checkout www.BeCanDo.co.uk
Expert: Jacky Tustain Date: 6/30/2008 Subject: My friend's self-esteem
Question This question is not about me but my friend, but please answer because I need some good, honest help from a professional.
I'm deeply in love with my best friend and we’ve been dating for about five months. But my friend has really, really low self-esteem and she thinks very bad of herself. This happened when we both started high school and she became very self-conscious about her looks and her weight. It went downhill from there. Now she hates her body and her weight and she's starving herself. She thinks she's ugly and fat and she absolutely hates her outward appearance. And whenever we hang out together and talk she tells me I deserve better then her and she is not worth my time. Whenever we start talking about her (anything about her looks or her outfit) she begins to cry. I love her so much and I can’t stand to see her this way; she means everything to me and it breaks my heart when she tells me I deserve better then her because I couldn’t imagine my life without her. What should I do to help her self-esteem? I want to help her feel more confident about herself and her body. What should I do? Please help, I need your advice.
Answer Hi Avriel,
Unfortunately I am not professionally qualified to help with something as serious sounding as this. It sounds to me as if your friend needs professional help. I would suggest that you discretely talk to her parents about your concerns and what is going on.
There is nothing you can do to 'fix' her and just being there for her and supporting her emotionally are the best things you can do.
I assume this is a same sex relationship? If so, is your friend confused by her feelings and do her parents know? This may be behind her behaviour as often eating disorders are triggered by a desire to increase control in someone's life and she may be doing this as a way to control her emotions. Sometimes girls also do this because they don't like becoming women so that is something else to think about.
If you are not comfortable or it is not possible to talk to her parents I would suggest the pair of you try to find a counsellor or talk to a sympathetic teacher at high school.
I'm sorry I cannot be of any more help, my heart goes out to the pair of you.
