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You are here: Experts > Kids > Kid's Problems/Advice for Kids > Increasing Self-Esteem > Friend Causing Self Esteem Issues
Expert: Jacky Tustain - 10/30/2009
Question
I have a friend who is constantly in the limelight. She is the perfect student. She gets straight A's from not studying more than 20 minutes. I get B's from studying for an hour. She's really pretty and skinny and guys automatically like her. I'm average and guys don't ever pay attention to me. She makes me take a hit on my self esteem because she seems so much better than me at everything. She's been taking dance since she was three she's graceful. I've been playing softball for 3 year and 'am not very good. You get the picture. She's flawless and graceful and she just makes me feel terrible about myself. Even my parents say I have no self esteem. They don't help either. They say I'm shy and that since I'm in an advanced program that i have no social life and no friends. It also doesn't help I have a perfect lilttle sis to keep them fawning over her and ignoring me. I feel really stressed like I'm going to cry most of time because of all this. What can I do to get my self esteem back?
Answer
Hi Amber,
Although it is tricky to change your personal view of yourself working on appearing 'better' to others can help. By this I don't mean dressing smarter (although there is no harm in making an effort for your own confidence in itself) but just putting on a good face, being more upbeat, smiling and looking positively at life will make you more attractive. Add to this a little bit of good humour, the ability to laugh at yourself (in a nice way) and the appearance of self confidence and you have the recipe for an interesting and attractive person.
The first step to appearing confidence is often to act it. This means exactly that - ignore your self doubts, put on a confident show and before you know it the confidence will come.
As for your friend. How fantastic that your friend has so many gifts; yet I guarantee that she needs you too. Share in the good things she has but don't use it to compare yourself to what you don't (think) you have. We are all different and have different talents and skills. There are always people better than each of us, which in itself means there are those who are not as gifted as us. Start looking inside yourself for what you bring to this world and work with it. Look around you and see those who have less.
You say your friend is more academic than you. If that is the case then accept that is who and what you are. There is nothing to be ashamed about it. If you know that in your heart you are doing your best be proud of it. You can do no more. In this case you have more to be proud of as you put in more effort. So top marks to you!
You say your friend makes you take a hit on your self esteem. Think about that. That is a contradiction as self esteem is what you think of yourself and how you choose to compare yourself to others. It is entirely within your control.
I also cannot believe that your little sister is perfect. No-one is perfect. Once again, don't be jealous as jealousy is ugly and does nothing for anyone. This goes back to my orginal comment about self confidence and outward appearance. Follow those steps and you will become more attractive and likeable. This will make you feel better about yourself and your confidence and esteem will rise too.
Jacky
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