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You are here: Experts > Kids > Kid's Problems/Advice for Kids > Increasing Self-Esteem > Self - Confidence,belief & esteem
Expert: Jacky Tustain - 10/28/2009
Question
QUESTION: Hello,
My name is Pac and I am 24 yrs old. I live in US and I graduated in Dec `07. I was very confident and proactive about my next steps towards career. Nothing happened in 2008 every step towards my job search has been a failure due to many reasons such as down turn economy in US, restrictions on non immigrants. I got a very small project for 2 weeks in 2009 and It has been 2 yrs since I graduated and I miserably failed in securing a job. My sister has been a terrific support right from the beginning.
My sister has kissed everybody`s ass and arranged an interview for me and I miserably failed, I was very nervous and shaking like a leaf during the interview. I was never like this before..the feedback given by my sister`s company is "I am not fit for the consulting world" which made me feel very very low..for the past 2 yrs things like this knocked my confidence.
I broke up with my GF and it took me a lot of time to get over her.
My issues now are
1. I feel inadequate
2. I get stumbled when I talk to people who are more superior than me
3. I always think about the things that I have done in my past and I abash myself for it
4. I constantly dwell on my failures
5. I have been lingering in this shit and have been procrastinating
5. I often get suicidal thoughts which is ridiculous(I want to live)
Going back to my home country is not an option for me, I have come to US to settle down and things are very bad at this time. I don`t feel comfortable in doing things.
--I FEEL I AM STUCK IN A RUT
I became introverted and recently I have taken a big step, I joined support groups and I went to few meetups and I did not attend the past 2 meetups after seeing the feedback from my sister`s company I am feeling even more low about myself.
I developed a lot of anxiety, social phobia..Things like going to a large group and interacting or introducing myself have become "Impossible" for me..
I am feeling devastated, my sister has tried in every possible way to get me a job I ruined and miserably failed.
I had a lot of zeal & enthusiasm towards my ambitions when I graduated(NOT ANYMORE) and now I don`t know what I want in life and what I want to become..
Please help!
Thanks!
Pac
ANSWER: Hi Pac,
First things first. This is your life not your sister's, so you start living it - OK!
Secondly, the path to success in anything is full of failings and mistakes. That is the way life goes. You have got through college and graduated, you are trying to establish a life in the US, and yes it is a bit tougher at the moment, but don't give up.
You need to decide if you are going to just give up or find the fighter inside yourself that has got you this far. Keeping the motivation to go after our goals is hard when things get tough, but start focussing again on what you want. Make it your daily mantra. Speak positively, talk as if it is already happening. Be open to any opportunities (and keep your eyes open to find them - consider every challenge you come across as an opportunity).
Think about what you need to do to get your confidence back with people. Work out the first step you need to take, however small and take it. Then congratulate yourself and move on to the next step.
Do the same with work and any other goals you have. Start small, work up to the big stuff. Take each day one at a time and don't forget to celebrate your successes.
Finally - drop the 'impossible' word; yes, some things are impossible as they go against the laws of physics for example, but using this word for normal situations will ensure you hold yourself back. Time to let go of the last two years and move on.
Good luck
Jacky
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: Hi Jacky,
Thanks for your advice. I have another major issue,I want to go for the networking events and I need to build social relationships because that is the only way to sell myself in this economy but I am trying hard to get out of the house and I just could not make my first step. Going to networking events or meetings is too big for me I feel. My mind says I need to go to get a job but my heart is so weak and I get emotional so easily. I feel so nervous and I get panic attacks when I think about networking or social events. Please help!
Thank You!
Regards,
Pac
Answer
Hi Pac,
Your issue has become very big for you if you struggle to even go out the house and you may need professional therapy to overcome this.
If however you mean that you just get nervous at the idea of going to networking or social events then you may find it easier to get someone to go with you at first until you build up your confidence.
My suggestion is that you consider seeing a therapist or if money is tight consider some self hypnosis recordings such as those available at http://www.hypnosisdownloads.com/cgi-bin/sgx2/d2.cgi?table-3766.
I hope that helps.
Jacky
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