AboutZorka Hereford Expertise I can answer questions pertaining to a healthy self-concept, personal development and how to think critically about your life choices.
Experience I've written a book "9 Essential Life Skills - A Guide for Personal Development and Self-Realization". I worked a combined twenty years for a top financial institution and a number one communications company where I acquired excellent leadership and training and development skills.
Organizations Toastmasters International
Publications Visit my website at http://www.essentiallifeskills.net to read my many personal development articles.
Education/Credentials I've obtained a Bachelor of Arts Degree with studies in philosophy and psychology as well as a college Business Management Diploma.
Question Hi, I'm a 16 year old girl and I've just started my first year of sixth form collage at my High School. I have been depressed and confused since I started High school, I am guessing it is because when I started High school I was bullied by a mixture of people throughout the 4 years; I am androgynous in appearence, personality and behaviour, and people never seemed to have a problem with the way I am, in middle school, but in High school people were very mean about it and I became really depressed and have had many suicidal thoughts, I didn't want to draw attention to myself, so I stopped talking about my feeling and I held my thoughts back in my head rather that contributing to discussions, out of fear of saying something stupid, that I could be humiliated for. I also became very confused about my gender identity, because of all the bullying, that was when I reached my peak of depression, it lasted for about a year, Since everyone around me made comments about my appearence and personality being male like in a negative way, I was so confused and I felt really insecure in my body and I began to think I was in the wrong body, and it hurt sooo much, I would cry most nights and life felt so unfair, and I began to identify (only to myself) as a transsexual, and I went through this phase for about a year, I decided that I would tell my parents that I was a transsexual on my 16th birthday and that I wanted a sex change, but thank God I chickened out, because in the past five months since then I feel like I have found the base part of my identity, I now relise I am not a transsexual, I am just a lesbian and androgynous, and I have come out to my parents, friends and school as being gay, and I now feel happy about that, and I am more comfortable with who I am. And I also feel that I am not as anxious and paranoid as I used to be, before I found myself. But although I have fpund this part of my identity, I am still very confused about what kind of person I am, I used to be funny and was able to talk to people and socialise like I was normal. I want to find out what kind of person I am, but I have just relised that I no longer have a clue how to make social interactions with people and I don't understand how to talk to or relate with them. People are always commenting on my lack of eye contact and my mum and my friends have said that I speak in a mumble and they can't understand me, and my mum said that I speak in a kind of monotone and I don't use any expression in my voice, and I don't show enthusiam anymore. I really want to be funny again, like I used to be, and be able to socialise with people, and be able to make eye contact and speak like a confident person, and I really want to be enthusiastic about stuff and to come across as an intresting and exciting person. At the moment I feel like I am sooo boring and I have nothing to talk about because my life is empty.
What can I do to be seen as more exciting and like a real person?
And how do normal people spend their time when they are with their friends?
I feel like I have been through so much in the past four years, it feels like my world has been torn down, and not i am having to rebuild it alone.
There is also a girl in my year that I have liked for the past 5 years, especially the last 2, she is bi and I know that she has liked me back in the same way for a similar length of time, I may like her more than she likes me. She currently has a boyfriend (fortunately he is not at our sixth form college) she has been out with him before, and I feel jeleous because I was going to ask her out sometime this year, and I feel really put off now, because I love her, and I feel like I may have missed my chance with her, as when I think about it, the way I am is really weird, and maby she thought I did not like her anymore, becuase of my poor eye contact and I find expressing my feelings hard. I also think that she does not think I am someone that would get a girlfriend, and so I am not really someone that could get her jeleous, but I would really like to be normal so I would be able to form new friendships realtionships and get a girlfriend, so she can see that I am capable of being in a relationship, and I can make her jeleous, rather that just her being able to make me jeleous. (I know it's sounds kind of complicated and I really wish I could describe it better)
So basically I want to know how to express myself like a normal person and how to come across as an intresting and exciting person, and what stuff could I do to seem normal and cool.
I play guitar, and I am kind of in an almost complete band, so I guess that's kind of cool, and I have a black belt in Karate (which I stopped doing years ago) which seems to impress people, but apart from that, there is nothing in my life.
Please help give me ideas of how to be normal and confident and stuff.
Answer Hi Alicia,
I know that it is very difficult to fit in when you seem to be somewhat different than the norm. It's even difficult when you are "normal" because young people can be cruel and don't realize how much they are hurting others when they single them out for being the least bit 'different'.
I don't know how familiar you are in the UK with the actor Patrick Swayze, but I just finished reading his memoirs. He was in the big movie hits "Dirty Dancing" and "Ghost" and was one of my favorite actors of all time. In his book he talks about how he was mercilessly teased and bullied by all the boys in school because he was a ballet dancer. In Texas, where cowboys are 'the norm' and machismo is valued, Patrick did not fit in at all. He was constantly in fist fights, getting beat up often, but he did not allow others to stop him from being who he was. He loved to dance, and actually he was quite an athlete as well, but others chose not to see that side of him. Eventually he overcame all of this by sticking up for himself and not letting it get the better of him and look where it got him!
Alicia, you have to be true to who you are and not let anyone bring you down. If we were all the same, what a boring world it would be!
What you can do for yourself is work on being interesting, pleasant and confident. If someone doesn't like you as you are - ignore them. It's their loss! I've written some articles that can help you with this:
