AboutZorka Hereford Expertise I can answer questions pertaining to a healthy self-concept, personal development and how to think critically about your life choices.
Experience I've written a book "9 Essential Life Skills - A Guide for Personal Development and Self-Realization". I worked a combined twenty years for a top financial institution and a number one communications company where I acquired excellent leadership and training and development skills.
Organizations Toastmasters International
Publications Visit my website at http://www.essentiallifeskills.net to read my many personal development articles.
Education/Credentials I've obtained a Bachelor of Arts Degree with studies in philosophy and psychology as well as a college Business Management Diploma.
Question I'm a 14 year old girl and a freshman in high school. Since about two years ago, my self-esteem has plummeted. Everywhere I go, I see beautiful, attractive, thin girls who look 2000% better than I do. I also see them with boyfriends. I've never been pretty, I'm rather overweight, and I've never ONCE had a boy ask me out, and no boy has EVER had a crush on me. So you can see why my self-esteem is pretty much gone now.
Well, I'm on a diet now; I'm eating as little as possible so I can lose around 30 pounds. I'm also trying to wear nicer clothes. My parents have tried to boost my self-esteem but it's not working. They tell me that everyone is beautiful in their own way and that I will find that special someone, but that's just not true. I haven't found a person now, so what makes anyone think that I would in the future? I will always be fat and ugly and disgusting and no man or boy will ever want me.
How do I fix myself? What can I do to improve my self-esteem? I hate being sad, but when no one will ever love you because you're ugly and fat, it's hard to be happy.
Answer Hi Dee,
I know from experience that 14 years old is a difficult, awkward stage. Your body is changing, your mind is confused, you're in between childhood and adulthood and nothing seems to be working.
The good news is that you do have control over yourself. You say that you're overweight and working on losing some of it. Good for you, that's a start! Make sure, however, that it's in a healthy way, or your looks will suffer without proper nutrition. Also start an exercise program. You'll not only look better, you'll feel much better. The endorphins will elevate your mood and you will feel and be more attractive.
Secondly, work on personal development. This will help your overall confidence and others will find you more interesting and want to be around you. Your parents are absolutely right. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, but we must each learn how to express our special qualities and uniqueness. Part of that is developing a positive attitude, especially about yourself!
Learn to make the best of all of your qualities. Dress in flattering clothing, be fit, be interesting and have a great attitude! Who can resist that? It will take effort, commitment and focus - you can do it. Keep in mind, however, that nothing happens overnight, so be patient with yourself and good things will happen.
