AboutZorka Hereford Expertise I can answer questions pertaining to a healthy self-concept, personal development and how to think critically about your life choices.
Experience I've written a book "9 Essential Life Skills - A Guide for Personal Development and Self-Realization". I worked a combined twenty years for a top financial institution and a number one communications company where I acquired excellent leadership and training and development skills.
Organizations Toastmasters International
Publications Visit my website at http://www.essentiallifeskills.net to read my many personal development articles.
Education/Credentials I've obtained a Bachelor of Arts Degree with studies in philosophy and psychology as well as a college Business Management Diploma.
Question Lately I have been feeling withdrawn from the one person I care about most, my Girlfriend. I have my theories about why I might be so withdrawn when I think about her and when I'm around her. I have thought about it alot and have yet to find what it is. The time this feeling of blank emptiness suddenly came around the time that I got my Deployment date for the military. I am not sure if I am just building a barrier around my heart to protect myself while I am gone but it bothers me a great deal cause she needs me right now but I feel I do not need her. I lack the ability to feel most emotions I feel "emotionally spent" and have a hard time feeling much more other than stress, anxiety, and sadness. I have a hard time feeling anything else for very long and I feel unsure of everything. With these emotions I have a strange looming feeling that my relationship is going to fail. I know that my GF will not betray my trust because of the many people before me that have destroyed hers. I am unsure of our relationship now because of all the stress that is currently plaguing us both. Mine being military deployment and the thought of leaving her and possibly loosing her. Her stress is coming from picking a school for college to get her masters, monetary issues, and me leaving her. I know that I will not leave her for she is all I want in my life. I have supported her the best I can and just feel like I can not do it anymore but still I try to be happy but I can't and much rather cause of my thoughts get upset and irritated. I am not sure what it is that makes me feel so blank. One moment I am happy and then the next I feel that happiness die. I know that I love her and that is not in question and the thought of loosing her kills me. It might be that I see her too much (everyday) and do not get to do anything for myself I am just not sure. . I prior to this have never experienced any real depression and am rather unsure of why it has suddenly developed. I wonder whether it is an undiagnosed mental issue or self confidence problem but, nevertheless I would like to get some input on this. Thank You!
Answer Hi Matthew,
Given the circumstances that you describe, what you're feeling has got to be par for the course. Your military deployment is more than enough to put your emotions into a tailspin!
The many questions that your deployment alone brings to the surface can, as you say, cause you to be "emotionally spent." The doubts, the worry, the uncertainty, the unknown...can very much cause stress, sadness and depression.
I don't know if the military provides some counseling before you are deployed, but if they do, I would seek some if I were you. This would be helpful even if it's to reassure you that these feelings are perfectly normal under the circumstances. I would also talk to your girlfriend about what's going through your mind. To treat this like it was just any old job, or a regular day at the office would be abnormal.
As you may already know, life throws us curves and challenges many times over. Uncertainty, change, loss and the unknown are all part of life and the sooner we can accept that, the more we can meet it head on. Your best bet is to be honest with yourself and your girlfriend and do the best you can. Trust that things will work out if you stay as positive as possible and you give it your best shot.
