About Zinnia Bonner Expertise As a mental health counselor for children, teens, and adults, I can answer many questions about self esteem, emotional health, inner struggles, and relationships. I am a firm believer in strengths-based practice and will recommend ways for you to holistically improve your esteem, physical presence, posture, and confidence.
Experience 3 years experience as a mental health counselor for children, teens, and adults. I work with clients one-on-one and in small groups and specialize in self-care, elevating self-esteem, and building confidence. I utilize a strengths-based empowerment approach.
Education/Credentials BS in Sociology and Anthropology
Current graduate student in Social Work - Counseling
Question Well I honestly don't feel like I have any strengths...except I am a good runner and I am good with really listening to people. I'm not good at expressing myself to other people and I'm very shy and quiet.
I was wondering if starving yourself is considered an eating disorder. I have only gone four days without eating, except some days i will eat a little bowl of special k cereal in the morning. Is this anything to be concerned about and do I need to seek treatment? if so how do i go about doing this? I do have an issue with weight where I think I am fat and I have VERY low self-esteem. I don't believe other people when they tell me I am skinny. And when my mom makes me eat it gets me angry and upset and I become depressed after I eat. I feel guilty like I shouldn't have done it. And sometimes I'll chew my food but spit it out in a napkin when no one is looking so I don't have to digest it. Right now I am 5'4 and I weigh 130 lbs. I just don't like the way my body looks. I don't want this to develop into something serious or life threatening, but I feel that my low self esteem is a factor in this. Please help if you can!
Answer Dear Emily,
It's really brave of you to open up, seek advice, and to share your insecurities with me -- I applaud you for this effort! Also, I think that your question indicates that you have a strong and healthy core because you want to be healthy and realize that your emotional perception of self may be negatively influencing your health and daily life choices. However, I must be very honest with you, Emily -- it does sound as though you may be developing the beginnings of an eating disorder. Eating regularly and within a healthy context is really important for your body to function and will actually help you build and maintain the muscle needed to burn fat! Did you know that lean muscle burns calories and fat even at rest? But you need to continue to intake the important elements of your daily diet to continue to maintain muscle. Your body attacks your muscles when it is not sufficiently fueled!
Also, please know, that your weight is well within the healthy weight range for your height. Depending on your body style and composition, it might be more difficult for you to lose weight than others. All bodies are different and have different caloric needs and compositions. If you are not feeling satisfied and comfortable with your body, you should consider consulting a nutritionist to help you learn more about your metabolism and daily caloric needs as well as the best way to meet these needs while also building a healthy body.
What I recommend to you is that you have an open conversation with your mom about your insecurities and worries -- tell her how you feel and let her know that she is an important person in your life and that you need her help in healing. It may be normal for your mother to reply in shock, at first -- so give her a little time to adjust. Your mother may also respond by telling you "that you're beautiful the way you are" and that "you ARE skinny." Your mother does not mean to diminish the way you are feeling. In her own way, she is trying to console you and help you feel better about yourself by projecting her vision of you, as your mother, onto you. Again, give your mother some time to adjust and try not to argue with her. Instead, remind your mother that you understand how she feels and that, perhaps, you even know that you "should" feel skinny, but that you continue to feel insecure about and disgusted by your body. Let your mother know that you want her help in making healthy changes in your lifestyle and to become more healthy and physically fit overall. Then, be willing to engage this process together.
Be aware, too, that you are not alone in your feelings and in your struggle. Most girls, young women, and adult women I know do at present or have in the past felt insecure and unhappy about their body. Understand that your body will change as you get older and instead of fighting these changes -- work with them to amp up your best attributes. I implore you to access your support network to help you through this including your mother, your relatives, your friends, and teachers -- the people who care about you. Please also consider seeking support from other girls and women who are going through similar experiences. I've included some web resources for you below to help you as you begin the process of healing.
I wish you the best of luck and courage as you begin the path to healing and recovery.
Be well!
Zinnia
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa -- will provide you with valuable resources and help you find a support group and/or treating therapist near you http://www.anad.org/
National Eating Disorders Association -- Provides information about what eating disorders are as well as programs and events to help resolve this problem http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/
