AboutZorka Hereford Expertise I can answer questions pertaining to a healthy self-concept, personal development and how to think critically about your life choices.
Experience I've written a book "9 Essential Life Skills - A Guide for Personal Development and Self-Realization". I worked a combined twenty years for a top financial institution and a number one communications company where I acquired excellent leadership and training and development skills.
Organizations Toastmasters International
Publications Visit my website at http://www.essentiallifeskills.net to read my many personal development articles.
Education/Credentials I've obtained a Bachelor of Arts Degree with studies in philosophy and psychology as well as a college Business Management Diploma.
Question QUESTION: I have a problem. I have a brother who people have is said unattractive. I am worried about looking like him. My parents dont think i look like him and lots of people have said i dont look like him. No one in either side of the family (Him and I included) thinks we look alike. But then a number of people have said we do look alike. Whenever someone says i look like him i feel very bad about myself. When ever someone says we dont look alike a feel much better. It has prevented me from dating and keeping some friendships. Dating mostly because if he is unattractive than my self-esteem goes way down. Most of his girlfriend have either been overwieght and/or unattractive. I have had several very short term relationships with decent looking women and am occusionsally hit on. So i am kinda stuck in limbo as far as self-esteem goes, constantly going back and forth.
So it is a big delema i have. What do you think i should do?
ANSWER: Hi Steve,
First of all if your self-esteem is based solely on your looks, you do have a problem. There is more to all of us than the outside package. Secondly, we all have the ability to make the most of our looks. If a person is physically fit, neat in appearance and makes the best with what they have, they usually look pretty good.
It would be pretty unrealistic to think you don't look like your brother at all. Like it or not, you do have the same genes. Maybe he doesn't look good because he doesn't take care of himself. If he's overweight or sloppy, that's something he has control over.
If I were you, I wouldn't worry about your brother. Take a look at yourself. Are you the best you can be? Are you smart, interesting, a good conversationalist? If not, your looks will only take you so far. There are a lot of good looking people out there who are complete bores! Others lose interest in them after the first few sentences.
Your self-esteem has to come from within. It comes from who "you" are and what you've accomplished. Your looks are only a small part of the whole. If you, as a person don't have much you offer, believe me, your looks won't matter much in the end.
I hope you take the time to think about this.
All the best!
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QUESTION: Can i send u a picture of us to see what u think? If so whats your email address?
ANSWER: If you've read my previous answer, you would note that your looks aren't as important as YOU the whole person, so seeing your picture is irrelevant at this point.
If you're really that worried about your looks why don't you just work out, look your best and wear clothes that are flattering? I don't think looking like your brother, or not, is the problem.
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QUESTION: yeah i understand. It is just very difficult to deal with sometimes. From a very early age people told me i looked like my moms side of the family and my brother looked like my dads side of the family. My parents think that the only thing we have in common is freckles, blue eyes, and brown hair. So i guess i can see that, but otherwise we really dont have anything in common. Its not that he is fat or unclean. People have just said he is wierd looking in the face. So i do understand what you are saying.
Answer I guess you're worried that people might consider you weird looking too. I can understand that, but again, looks aren't everything!
Let me tell you that for me, people like Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt or Zac Efron have never been interesting. As a personal preference, I don't like the pretty boy types or the hunks. I prefer guys that are intelligent, funny and fun. In fact, I would prefer a Jim Carrey. So in many ways if you've developed yourself in areas other than looks, more people would find you appealing. Keep that in mind.
