AboutJacky Tustain Expertise If you feel bad about yourself or lack confidence to do or try things I can help you with techniques that will help you overcome your current view of yourself and develop more confidence and better self esteem.
Experience I am a Life Coach that works with people who are struggling to work things out for themselves. By helping them tap their inner resources and presenting a fresh altenative viewpoint I help them reinvent or rediscover themselves.
Publications I regularly have articles published on various sites and add to my own blog.
Question I feel kind of awkward asking this but I wanted to get some advice from a professional first.
I made a guy friend this year named Joseph, and he's the first male friend I've ever had. We're actually really close now and I consider myself lucky to have a great person like him as a friend.
The problem is that Joseph has serious self esteem problems. He doesn't want to go out in public places because he thinks people will tease him because of his weight. He thinks he's ugly and he won't give hardly anyone eye contact because he's afraid they'll say something about his looks. In reality he's not overweight hardly at all, and I don't know where he got the thought that he's ugly because he's not. It's sad because just recently he confessed to me he sometimes cries himself to sleep because he feels so unhappy and he looks at himself in the mirror and says mean things to himself.
I want to make him feel better about himself because he's really sad and I'm afraid he's going to do something bad to himself one day. I'm his only friend and I want to be able to ease some of the pain so that he doesn't feel so lonely and unhappy. What can I do to make him feel better?
By the way we're both 15 but he's turning 16 in July.
Thanks for your help :)
Answer Hi Lindsey,
Self esteem is what we think of ourselves and if we think bad things we'll believe them. The trick is to accept we are neither good nor bad, we are just different.
One thing I often suggest to people with self esteem issues is to look in a mirror and find nice things to say about themselves. By saying nice things over time you come to believe them as they become facts in your consciousness. Your friend sounds as if he is working on making himself feel bad about himself.
The other side of this is helping people understand that people are more interested in their own lives and care very little about how other people look or dress.
To help your friend you can suggest these things but be careful that you don't tell him that he is wrong - his view of himself at the moment is his reality; he needs to shift that to get a more balanced view.
If you can get him to go out to a shopping mall or somewhere where there are a lot of people walking about you can play a little 'game' with him. Sit and people watch for a while and ask him about various individuals if he would like to swap lives with them. He then traps himself into not being terrible but somewhere on the middle of the scale; i.e. normal like the rest of us!
I hope that gives you something to start with. Feel free to come back to me if you would like further help. You can also check out more information on my website http://www.becandolifecoaching.com.
