Expert: Jacky Tustain - 5/14/2009

Question
Im 17 and I've usually had some bad luk wen it comes to talkin to girls I find attractive or feel weird around. Im usually quiet most of the time . Wen I do talk to a girl I usually run out of things to say and the awkward silences make me feel a lil embarrased. Sometimes I cant get the courage to speak to them.Any advice?

Answer
Hi Tevin,

Well this problem can be overcome a lot easier than you think.

First of all remember that girls are as human as you and so try to relax in their company. Take a deep breath and become aware of any tension in your body, letting your muscles relax, particularly in your neck and shoulders, don't hunch over as this restricts your breathing too. Smile as this helps you relax and makes you appear welcoming.

You can work on what to talk about by focussing on what people like to talk about most - themselves and their lives. Ask questions but avoid ones where the answer will be 'yes' or 'no' (that will take a bit of practise!) or that might be considered too personal.

Once they start talking you can just listen without worrying about having to speak. If they are considerate they may ask you questions about yourself and then you can obviously answer these, but try not to go on too long so that they get bored!

If you develop your listening skills and show an interest in what they are talking about you will gain an advantage on a lot of other boys. However, don't pretend to agree with them or have the same opinion if that is not true, be honest but allow and respect their opinion.

A lot of people fall into the trap of filling the silences with waffle about themselves or they butt in while the other person is speaking. If you are naturally quiet you once again have an advantage as you are less likely to do this and this will make you liked even more.

Think about building friendships with girls first, let things develop and then if she seems to like you well enough you can suggest a casual date, even with another couple so that you don't put any pressure on her or yourself. Try not to set your expectation too high even when just talking to girls as this will also make you nervous.

I hope that gives you something to work on.

Jacky