AboutJacky Tustain Expertise If you feel bad about yourself or lack confidence to do or try things I can help you with techniques that will help you overcome your current view of yourself and develop more confidence and better self esteem.
Experience I am a Life Coach that works with people who are struggling to work things out for themselves. By helping them tap their inner resources and presenting a fresh altenative viewpoint I help them reinvent or rediscover themselves.
Publications I regularly have articles published on various sites and add to my own blog.
Question Hi, I'm 15/female and I struggle with feeling insecure and unconfident and have a low self-esteem. I'm 4'11", 89lbs., small figure but I'm feeling like I'm fat even though everyone tells me I'm too small and I'm constantly worried that my boyfriend is going to find someone better and that I'm not 'enough' for him, even though he always tells me otherwise. It's like I want to believe it so badly and I know he's being honest but it's like my mind can't believe it no matter how hard I try. I just stopped seeing my counselor today and she said that I shouldn't try to find happiness and a higher self-esteem in what other people say and think because people aren't reliable and they're always going to let me down. So, basically can you just tell me what you think about this all and give me a strategy or somethnig to help this please? It's really important to me that I get an answer because I'm at the point where I can't take it anymore and it's ruining my relationships - in my mind at least, - my boyfriend is really patient about it and he doesn't mind reaasuring me but I worry that soon it's going to grow old and he's not going to want to do it anymore and that he's going to leave me and I really can't afford to lose him. Thank you.
Answer Hi Jen,
Your counselor is right, but I will paraphrase what he or she said to give you some tips to improve your self esteem.
It is not only that you should not rely on others but that you need to learn to believe in yourself. That is what self esteem is. How you regard or look at yourself. Healthy self esteem is getting a balanced view of yourself, accepting your limitations but also seeing the good points.
The strange thing with self esteem is that it doesn't matter what you think because you will believe it. If you think negatively (I'm too fat, too short...) then this becomes your reality. On the other hand you could say I'm petite and little and people like to protect me. If you keep telling yourself this and living this then you will believe that instead. You've already told yourself you're fat - by my calculations you sound anything but fat.
Another thing to consider is that you are ignoring your good points. You must be attractive physically or have some great points to even have a boyfriend at 15. I can assure you there are many, many people who don't.
To find your good points start looking in the mirror and find those good points. Look at your eyes, your hair. Try smiling and watch your face light up. People often think that how we look is what makes people like us. Although that can provide initial attraction once they start to get to know you better that is what makes them stay as your friend. Work on your inner self, look to help others and be cheerful and kind and people will see an attractive person.
You are also in danger of being 'needy' towards your boyfriend. A relationship works both ways and although we all need love and affection we also need respect from each other. Try to see how he needs you too, but work on being supportive and respectful of each other, developing your friendship with him.
I hope that has given you some food for thought. For more advice on self esteem and confidence check out my website http://www.becandolifecoaching.com
