Expert: Jacky Tustain - 6/6/2009

Question
Im 17 n i cannot start a conversation 4 my life. Ive askd an xpert before n
tried but culdnt. Today i took my SATs n i met up wit som old frends, but jus
ended up askin the same question to evryone. It felt worse seein my frends
talkin and im silent again. I feel no one thinks im normal n feel i wont get to
talk to girls normally. Wat can i do?

Answer
Hi Brian,

It is quite ironic that people tend to be great talkers and poor listeners and generally are moaning that no-one will listen to them. If you struggle to talk then you have a great skill to work with - to be the one person people can rely on to listen to them!

On the other hand there is an easy trick to conversation if you struggle to find anything to say and that is to ask people about themselves, things they're doing or to tell you about stuff they love. Ask questions that they cannot answer with a 'yes' or 'no' answer. Respond with more questions (without interogating them!), don't worry about the quality of what you are saying.

If you are struggling to find things to ask, think about TV, music, films and sport. Most people will have a little interest in at least one of these areas. If you feel uncomfortable about your knowledge with these things have a look on the internet to get up to speed with what is going on in one of these areas. Perhaps you play online games or enjoy reading - ask people about books they've read or games they've played.

It is important you realise that you are normal, just a little quiet and possibly shy. You can overcome this, it just may take a little practise. Go slow, take small steps and be proud of any achievement you make. If you feel nervous work with it as you are pushing your boundaries. The more you try the easier it will get.

Good luck!

Jacky