AboutJacky Tustain Expertise If you feel bad about yourself or lack confidence to do or try things I can help you with techniques that will help you overcome your current view of yourself and develop more confidence and better self esteem.
Experience I am a Life Coach that works with people who are struggling to work things out for themselves. By helping them tap their inner resources and presenting a fresh altenative viewpoint I help them reinvent or rediscover themselves.
Publications I regularly have articles published on various sites and add to my own blog.
Question I've always had low self esteem, thanks to my parents never really complimenting me in any way - only trying to push me harder. I used to be so low on self-esteem, I couldn't even order my own food and during outings, I pretended as if I weren't hungry at all to get out of talking to someone new. Luckily, I met someone and he complimented me and built up my self-esteem. Now I'm on my own journey to bettering myself. I've not only been talking to strangers and bringing up conversations and making new friends, now I can go back and ask someone at a counter for something instead of feeling guilty.
Although that's all well and good, there's still some issues I'm not exactly sure how to deal with. It has to do with getting respect from my friends. I also have a lot of self-doubt, as if things I do aren't good enough and that I need to start from scratch.
Take a video game for example. I would make a character, play them through. Until I realized, "I could make someone better, I don't think this is the right person for me." Maybe that's telling me something mentally, that I can never finish a game because 1. I don't like the name I put, (I never put my actual name in a game.) or 2. I decided they could look better, or have a better story behind them.
My friends tend to brush me aside. If I begin a story, they would cut me off or, rather, not listen and go on about something else. A lot of people do this. Or they talk more about themselves than about me. It's not that I'm hanging out with horrid people - but I think they unconciously sense my doubt in the things I say/do, and therefore don't see it as important. Is there any tips I can have on making myself /feel/ as if what I have to say is important? I never get invited to things, and I miss out on a lot of stuff. It's not that my friends don't like me - they enjoy me a lot, it's just.. I don't think I put myself out there enough /for/ an invitation?
Answer Hi Rory,
Sorry for the delay in replying - I've not been brushing you aside ;) I've just been busy and thinking of the best answer for you.
Your parents may have treated you this way because they always wanted you to do your best. Unfortunately the message received by children is that they are not good enough and they continue to push themselves, expecting perfection of themselves at all times.
Well, here's a major truth - you are not perfect or superman. In fact as a human being the way you learn to improve yourself is by making mistakes. That is how we all learn, by trial and error. It is how you learned to walk and touch and even to eat a meal!
Another truth about people is that when they talk they want everyone else to listen. Because your self esteem is low you are convinced that they find you uninteresting. The truth is, although your friends may be lovely people, it is really hard to be quiet and listen to other people without wanting to talk about yourself and relate what they are saying to how you are affected or what you think.
You may find this hard to believe if you are the quieter member of your group. However, the next time you are with a group of people watch how they behave. Sometimes people will listen but often someone will butt in and even if they wait politely when someone responds they will talk about themselves or their opinion.
There are ways to make yourself a more interesting talker - you can watch the news, keep up with current films, music and sport, get similar hobbies to your friends. The way you will seem the most interesting to your friends is if you talk to them about them. Listen to them and keep up with what they are doing. If they are a nice bunch they should start to reciprocate your attention and respect.
I have only scratched the surface here but I will give you a quote to work with - 'progress not perfection'. Whatever you are doing repeat this to yourself so that you remember to keep moving forward, learning from your mistakes and accepting them as part of who you are.
