Expert: Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist - 6/16/2009

Question
Hi, I am too embarrassed to put my name, and I do not know if this is your area of questions, if not you can just say that you cant answer this one. Your description said the whole gambit of personality disorders, so here it is;

When I was about 7, for about 3 weeks straight I was sexually molested by my brother. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this. I have lived with my brother my whole life, and never talked about this. only 7 people know about this, including you, not including my parents.

About 4 years ago, my brother was caught inappropriately touching my oldest brother's wife, this brought all of the old emotions back. she was 22 at the time, he was 16. My parents got him a shrink, and the shrink reported it to CPS. I was almost taken away from my family. I cannot tell anyone about me and my brother because it would turn my entire family upside down, but sometimes i wonder if i would have spoken up earlier, none of that would have happened.

Also, I have what i think is a personality disorder. since about a year after the incident with my brother, I have had SICK thoughts about people I am around. My relationship ideas are so messed up. I cannot be alone around a guy or i get EXTREMELY nervous. Even when I am around a guy and other people, I have these sick thoughts that I cant stop. I have never willingly had sex, yet my thoughts are those like a slut's.

After my parent's split, my father got remarried, and moved us away. my mom then moved from Texas to California, then to Colorado to be a truck driver. I talk to my mom about 2x/ year. I have serious abandonment issues. I met this really nice guy at work one summer, and I really liked him, but I ruined it because I am TERRIFIED of really loving someone because it seems like they always run away from me, and i don't think I love myself. I always swore that if i was skinny I would feel better about myself, but i don't think that true. I think that I have a hard time loving myself because I feel that two of the people who were suppose to love me unconditionally (my brother and mother)couldn't, so how could i?

I don't know what to do about all of this. I have asked God to help me everynight, and for the past two nights while taking to him, I have started to cry. I need help. It feels like there is a void in my soul that my religion cant fill. How can I ask God for help when my thoughts are so disturbing and unchristian? Am I just a lost cause?

Thank you for even reading this,

LH

Answer
It seems to me that your experience with your brother when you were young is still affecting you today. But the reality is that if you want to be happy and have self-confidence in yourself and other people, you have to change the way your think about yourself in the here-and now. Blaming your past is not going to change your life now. You said that you would like to be a bit skinnier. This seems to indicate that you tend to be overweight. It happens to be the case that people with weight problem tend to suffer from depression, not only because they don's like the looks of themselves, but more importantly that people with weight problems are usually hypoglycemic that causes them to be overweight AND depressed.  For an explanation please have a look at:

Eating Disorders: Anorexia and Bulimia at:
http://hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/eatingdisorders.html

Insulin Resistance and Obesity Controversy at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/silentdiseases.html#Insulin

It may also pay to read:

Treatment of  a Low Self-Esteem at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/psychotherapy/TOLSE.html

and then study:

Summary of the self-help psychotherapy course at:
http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/self-help_personal_growth.html#PSYCHOTHE...

in its entirety. It looks at the self-image as being at the core one's personality and shows you how you can change this by mental exercises. It includes an assertiveness training program, a communication course establishing significant relationships, and values clarification.

Alternatively,  please read:
The Positive Ego Taining Program at:
http://www.google.com.au/books?vid=ISBN1862525919&id=cIbpj59s-KAC&pg=PR3&lpg=PR3...

If you are hypoglycemic, the first step is going on a hypoglycemic diet, that will help reduce weight AND depression.

I hope i have been of  some help, and you can always come back for more questions.

_______________________________________________
Jurriaan Plesman, Nutritional Psychotherapist
Hon. Editor of
The Hypoglycemic Health Association of Australia.
www.hypoglycemia.asn.au
Author of "Getting off the Hook"
Freely available at Google Book Search
Skype: jurplesman