AboutDom Cal Expertise I can answer questions about self-esteem and give advice about self-esteem concerns you might have. I've gone through some major self-esteem issues, so I'll try to relate to each situation as best I can. I'm here to give advice and be a friend to anyone who needs it, my mailbox is always open!
Experience I have gone through self-esteem issues before, but I have overcome them and am now much more confident in myself. I can do the research needed for each question; I have a vast number of resources at my disposal. I am confident in my ability to encourage people to work toward stronger self-confidence.
Publications Published short story in My Mom is My Hero.
Education/Credentials Majoring in Applied Networking and Systems Administration, in pursuit of a Bachelor's Degree.
Question QUESTION: How do I like myself? I have low self esteem and low confidence. My ex husband was very verbal and mental abusive. He told me that I was not good enough in bed. That I was not good enough, and that why was I a woman if I did not know how to use what was between my legs. It was like screwing a dead horse. He used to compare me to other woman. He cheated on me and now I remarried and he cheated on me as well. My ex husband would compare me to playboy women, and now my husband now I come to realize he looks at playboy. What is wrong with me? Am I ugly or not what men want? Do I have to lose weight, change my looks like comestic surgery to have better looks, such as breast. Please help me. I cry at times because I don't know what to do.
ANSWER: Your ex husband doesn't sound like he's a person you should be with. If he judged you based solely on sexuality instead of personality that shows that he did not value you as a person, only an object, and it's not healthy to be in a relationship like that. There is nothing wrong with you, in these types of situations I have always felt that the one with the problem is the abusive person in the relationship. No person deserves to be treated like that, and it is in no way your fault, he has issues that he needs to work out. Someone should love you for what's inside, not out, so I don't believe that cosmetic surgery is the way to go. Some guys look at porn and Playboy, mostly because they've spent a good amount of time looking at that stuff during their lifetime, so it almost becomes like an addiction to some people. Don't take that as an indication that your partner isn't attracted to you, it's just what some guys have grown accustomed to, so to say. I don't believe there's reason to take the playboy problem personally.
I hope I could help! If you have anymore questions, don't hesitate to ask!
-Dom
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: I have another question, Dom. How do I gain confidence in myself without feeling threaten by other women. I weigh 230lbs and I feel that I look 500lbs and I know that is not true. But in my mind I feel that way. I am a type 2 diabete and I am on a strict diet from my Dr. I feel like I am stuck at this weight. I have no confidence or self esteem. I know I need help but how do I get help for me. I am always putting my kids first and my husband now. How do I love me for me?
Answer Becky,
This is a tough situation, but there are things you can do to help improve your self-image. I would first suggest talking to your doctor about your dietary concerns, and see if there are certain alternatives that will allow you to follow your diabetic needs and also contain foods that can help with weight loss and controlling weight. Another thing you can do is try and find an exercise routine that will both help you work towards feeling more fit, which will hopefully lead to greater confidence, and still allows time for you to put aside time for your kids and husband. There are a ton of different and specialized routines out there, it's all a matter of finding the best one for you. I've found one exercise routine that looks like it could be easily accomplished around the house: <http://www.netfit.co.uk/training/trainingadvice/home_exercises_workouts.htm>. There are also a lot of other routines on the internet that you could look up; you could also try to see if any of the exercise and fitness experts on AllExperts can help you out with trying to find a routine that's right for you.
Another suggestion is to focus on the attributes that you value in yourself, since when you sit down and think about it there are probably things that you like about yourself and are proud of, like putting your family first, that's a very good thing to be proud of. You can always work on aspects of your life that you want to improve upon, but remember that you also have attributes that people would value in person.
