AboutJacky Tustain Expertise If you feel bad about yourself or lack confidence to do or try things I can help you with techniques that will help you overcome your current view of yourself and develop more confidence and better self esteem.
Experience I am a Life Coach that works with people who are struggling to work things out for themselves. By helping them tap their inner resources and presenting a fresh altenative viewpoint I help them reinvent or rediscover themselves.
Publications I regularly have articles published on various sites and add to my own blog.
I am a 28 yr old female who is in general happy/unhappy with my life - I am grateful for what I have, but I feel like I some small (but not so small) problems that are making it hard to move ahead. I've been feeling really stuck for the past 2 yrs.
Problems:
I am unhappy with:
my work situation which is sporadic freelance, very unsteady, very scary financially for the past 8 months.
mini explanation: 1 year ago, angrily left an unfulfilling, but steady corporate job to freelance and hopefully find more fulfilling work. This kinda worked for a while until the economy collapsed. there is an underlying problem here as well - my field requires art portfolio work, which I have tried to do, but never am able to complete. This is a reoccurring theme in my life, I can't find the motivation to finish my projects. I know a lot of it is self doubt and feeling overwhelmed.
my love life (non existent for 3 years)
mini explanation: I have never been successful at dating, I admit that I am attractive, tall and thin, but never had inner confidence(maybe due to some adolescent teasing!). My last relationship (which was my 1st)was 2.5 yrs long, and the break up has lasted just as long. My ex (who now lives abroad) has had a hard time letting me go, and has contacted/visited me on a regular basis making it difficult to mentally move on, although I repeatedly turn down all opportunities to get back in the relationship.
my friends (love them, but some of them really bring me down due to competitiveness)
mini explanation: one friend in particular, one of my really best friends, I feel is blocking me. I have always felt this person is trying to tether me for some reason. She is very pretty, has a great job and is cool. But at the same time, she is slightly selfish as well as being insanely competitive. she talks about herself in comparison to others all the time, and will indirectly but directly) compare herself to me, and rationalize a favorable outcome for herself.
Also, my group of friends is stale, and our activities have become boring. And we're all girls (just like sex and the city).
I guess in my life right now I don't feel like I have anyone really close to me (like a boyfriend or a best friend) that I can go to for support. My friends are there for me, but only to a certain degree, I don't have that one person who I can really trust and confide in.
Sorry for such a long email (this is the tip of the iceberg!), I don't even know what you can do to advise me? I think I know a lot of the answers, but it would be helpful to hear your opinion.
Thxs for bearing with me!
the Wheel
Answer Hi Natasha,
It sounds to me that you are going through a personal growth phase and are floundering as you are not facing any specific direction to guide you on your path.
As you say you probably know a lot of the answers. Yes, you need to find more motivation for your work. Yes, improving your self confidence and esteem may help you with your relationships (and work).
Rather than go into a lot of general advice and suggestions (that may not suit you) I will ask you a question.
When or have you ever defined some specific life goals for yourself?
I cannot tell if you have other underlying causes with your issues but I do know that motivation and direction can be improved by defining some SMART goals.(See http://www.becandolifecoaching.com for more information.)
These are goals that you need to live and breathe. So make sure you really want them.
By going through the process of defining your goals you will need to decide on your priorities and what you really want out of life and when. Go for short, medium and long term.
Then you create your action plan to achieve them. Make sure that everyday you take a step towards them, no matter how small. As you achieve them your confidence will improve as well.
This should give you the start that you need. I have a lot of other information on my website that may help you. Read it first and feel free to come back and ask me if you want any more help.
