Expert: Rahul B. Vyas - 8/19/2009

Question
I have two obsessions. I obsess about swallowing my saliva. I obsess about it when I am around people. I am bothered by the sound it makes and then people around me start swallowing loudly too which makes me feel bad since I was the one who brought it to there attention. I try not to think about it but it keeps coming back. I feel like people are judging my swallow, that they see I am nervous and weak.
My other obsessions is when I do eye contact with someone. I always feel like I am not blinking and just staring at them. I always think I am making them uncomfortable.
I have had these obsessions since I was 18... and now I am 22.
Do you have any advice on what I can do to change this?

Answer

Dear Mark,

Ok. Lets call it a habit – a habit to swallow saliva in public.
Mark, you see every one of us likes to draw attention of others towards us to seek approval.
We try many ways but at times no one seem to work for us. In such a situation our subconscious mind out of desperation gets to do things which one might not generally do consciously.  
I know this is strange but that is how the brain reacts to our immediate environment.
Remember you wrote – I OBSESS ABOUT IT WHEN I AM AROUND PEOPLE.

Here the root cause is the need for approval even though you know that swallowing saliva loudly in public is embarrassing.
And when there is an over-bearing need for approval we become sensitive to other people’s perceptions. This is what your second obsession is all about.
Remember you wrote – I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I AM NOT BLINKING AND JUST STARING AT THEM.

We tend to reckon what other’s feel and think about us. Remember it is not the eye to eye staring which is worrying you but what other people would perceive about you when you look at them.
As a Handwriting Analyst, I am have come across hundred’s of handwriting samples where over-sensitivity to criticism has taken the shape of unreasonable fears and that handwriting therapies have come to the rescue as a behavior modifying tool.

The solution -  Just do not think how other people will perceive you.
Say to yourself – “ I don’t give a damn “, and stay cool and even. I am sure this will solve both of your problems.

Thankyou.