AboutZorka Hereford Expertise I can answer questions pertaining to a healthy self-concept, personal development and how to think critically about your life choices.
Experience I've written a book "9 Essential Life Skills - A Guide for Personal Development and Self-Realization". I worked a combined twenty years for a top financial institution and a number one communications company where I acquired excellent leadership and training and development skills.
Organizations Toastmasters International
Publications Visit my website at http://www.essentiallifeskills.net to read my many personal development articles.
Education/Credentials I've obtained a Bachelor of Arts Degree with studies in philosophy and psychology as well as a college Business Management Diploma.
Question "hey am Lisa 14 yr old from India. Lately i've been feeling upset, well not exactly upset just didn't know who to turn to (parents wouldn't understand coz i've tried before). am in the 9th grade now. I have many painful memories of my 8th grade- My best friend is this angel sent from heaven, on our 8th grade math exam she scored like a 100% which is practically impossible if u look at the amount of time she studies. i took the same math test, and i hoped to get a similar 90 or 80 % but i ended up getting a 40% which meant i just scrapped through, bringing those results home was difficult i remember i could not speak or say anything for a month. At that moment all my hope and confidence drained like a tap flowing. i tried harder for my next math exam - 8th grade scored a 64% where my best friend scored a 94. i took precautions for 9th, i started taking special classes during the summer vacation, i worked my ass off on those classes, i could feel my confidence rising slowly and i felt i'd do better wen compared to my marks in 8th. 9th began and i just completed my exams two weeks back. i was too scared to think abt my result because from the experience in 8th i didn't want think or expect any sort of high or less mark. Hoping to beat my best friend in any sub, i received my result like a week later, i scored the lowest in my entire gang. I don't want to recall the detail but there is one instance that i will never forget- everyone in class couldn't score above 60% in phy but my best friend scored a 90. i'll admit am the most jealous person alive, i tried to feel happy for her but i just couldn't bring myself to do it and she was my best friend and now i could no longer endure it, i worked my ass off during the summer while everyone else was having fun, i didn't dare to expect anything! wat did i do wrong? didn't i deserve to score atleast a few marks ahead of her? i studied waay more than she did but i didn't get any result. looking at my Q paper, i've written all the answers wrong. At that moment, i felt a sting of defeat, a heavy heart, lack of confidence. i just gave up. Am too scared to write my next exam. She starts studying a week before the exams, i start studying before school. I din't believe in god infact i didn't belive in the rituals that were done to please him, but now am too scared not to belive it. I feel that if i don't, he's gonna punish me and am gonna face this all over again and let me tell u sir the feeling that i felt a year ago and just last week, were all alike. I don't know who i am anymore. i lost my best friend, and i can't stand bringing a low mark back home. I hate making my parents feel like i was a mistake. Lately thats all that i've been hearing from them. SIr this feeling is just killing me everyday and am too scared to study again. Thinking that no matter how much i try am still never gonna be happy, all i want is to be happy, and i just can't be. i bought this book called "The Secret" by RHonda Bryne. It says that the reason am feeling like this is because of my thoughts i'd have to agree but i can't think that am supposed to feel happy wen i get a low mark. I cried every night after that incident. I have no confidence left in me. I have such great ambition for my future and am scared it'll just remain as a dream. Please give me a solution to this problem. Sir i just want be happy theres nothing more.
thank you"
Answer Hi Dhitika,
First of all you are putting way too much pressure on yourself which is causing you to not function at your best. This alone can make you perform poorly no matter how long you studied.
Secondly, to compare yourself to others is a mistake because each of us has different talents and abilities. Are you in a competition, or are you there to do 'your' best? Competing for better marks is not going to make you a better person, but working to the best of 'your' abilities is.
Consider also that your study habits may not be the best. That, on top of your anxiety and the pressure you're putting on yourself is causing you to do much less than you could. Maybe you can ask your friend how she studies and get some tips from her.
Also, Dhitika, believing in God, or not believing, will make no difference if you don't believe in your own abilities. You have worked yourself into an irrational frenzy which will prevent you from doing well at anything. Start by calming yourself and training your mind to do what you need to do. You can do this. Don't worry about anyone else or what anyone thinks.
I've written some articles that may help you create the right mindset.
