AboutJacky Tustain Expertise If you feel bad about yourself or lack confidence to do or try things I can help you with techniques that will help you overcome your current view of yourself and develop more confidence and better self esteem.
Experience I am a Life Coach that works with people who are struggling to work things out for themselves. By helping them tap their inner resources and presenting a fresh altenative viewpoint I help them reinvent or rediscover themselves.
Publications I regularly have articles published on various sites and add to my own blog.
Question I have all sorts of problems with confidence. I have always thought of myself as over weight. Its always been a big obstacle for me. As a small child i was never as small as the other children and it made me a little hesitant. (these stories have a purpose i promise).This hesitant part of my personality seemed to stick with me as i grew. In middle school it was pretty much the same thing but not as big an issue because boys weren't such a big part of my life yet and i had wonderful friends to distract me from it all.My confidence issues weren't really a big thing to me yet. High school was a bigger issue since its all about fitting in. So i would always be off and on diets but never achieving the results i wanted. But the negative feelings would always be on the back burner and show up at random times because i had such awesome friends and other distractions. I wasn't an unhappy kid tho, i had awesome grades, i was in the band, i was a very social person. But there was always that doubt that would show up randomly at parties or in situations that would stop me from having fun and reaching my full potential. My self confidence issues stops me from doing alot of the fun things i want to do with my friends and other aspects of my life.I always second guess my opinions when someone or a group disagrees with what i say. I'm always quick to say that i am in the wrong and not the other person.My confidence is low in lots of areas in my life.I am only comfortable with others that i have known for long periods of time and my fun and spontaneous personality only comes out around them. i want to show other people this side of my personality. I come off as a really reserved and shy person but i just don't know how to handle myself around others.I want to show everyone the fun and wonderful person i can be. One of the mains things it stops me from pursuing is the opposite sex. I never considered myself worthy or attractive enough to get the guy i want and that i would always get rejected. I would occasionally find the courage to tell someone i liked them only to be shut down, causing my confidence to go down even further. This part of my life is the biggest problem for me because i feel that i am missing something awesome in my life. I have never had a boyfriend and i feel that my confidence problem is the main reason why. This problem becomes worse for me everytime i think about it because i am a freshman in college without ever having a relationship and i feel that i am missing something vital. I am not confident at all when it comes to guys, i don't think im pretty enough and i don't like my outer image. Most would tell me the answer to this problem is that i have to learn to love myself. I have been working on this for years, and i still am, but i have a certain way i think i should look to be beautiful and the only way i can be comfortable with myself is if i look that certain way. Its not so much as i have to look the way the media portrays beauty but i have my own standards that i want to meet and i feel that i wont be comfortable with myself until its reached. i truly feel that these confidence issues are stopping me from having the fun in life i want to have. Guys love confidence. But thats just something i don't and have never had.I want to be have confidence in myself. i want to live a happy life but my low self esteem and confidence just seems to always stop me from doing all the things i want to do. I'm am still stuck in this mind frame that until my body is perfect the way i want it that i will never be happy. Is my way of thinking completely off? how can i achieve the confidence i so desire? thanks!
Answer Hi Jessica,
It seems you already know what you need to do but are struggling to get to the starting point.
Firstly let me clarify the difference between confidence and self esteem. Confidence is more about feeling comfortable doing things and comes with knowledge and experience. Self Esteem is all about your inner view of yourself and can be strongly emotionally based so is harder to shift.
You know you need to love yourself but find this difficult as you cannot accept yourself. The first thing you need to do then is learn to accept yourself. If you have a pair of blue jeans you don't pretend it is a red evening dress. You can wish it was, you can keep looking at it in different ways but it is not going to change. This is the same for you. You are as you are and you may as well come to terms with it. You probably won't find this easy but spend a little time thinking about the time and energy you are wasting looking inward and wishing you were a different person.
You mention feeling overweight. This is an easy one. You either are or you are not. If you are not then you can bask in that glorious fact and do nothing. If you are overweight then you can look at adjusting your diet to a more healthy one and ensuring you get enough exercise, the latter also will naturally boost your feelings of confidence.
We all live different lives and have different experiences at different times. We make decisions, some that alter our lives positively, some negatively, we learn from them and we have to live with them. That is life.
Confidence is about gaining experience, knowledge and facts. The more you absorb and do the stronger your opinions will develop. You are entitled to your own opinion, even if it is totally different to anyone elses. This is what makes you, you. Bear that in mind next time you are in a conversation and second guessing what to say. If you put your opinion across (politely!) you stand a chance of being noticed, considered interesting and appearing confident. Give it a go - you have nothing to lose.
To summarise, learn to accept yourself and then you may even come to like yourself. Start living your life, look outward for opportunities and don't be afraid to be you! You may not feel very confident but you will start to appear more confident and with time you will discover you are more confident.
